“I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.”
– Barry White, “The Simpsons”

The word Kundalini which means coiled in Sanskrit (the liturgical language of the Hindu religion) describes the ecstatic energy of spiritual and sexual enlightenment that moves through the body, activating the seven chakras. Often envisioned as a snake (Shakti, the goddess) coiled around the base of the spine (Shiva, the god), it represents the energy that rises up through each of the chakras, creating a channel from root to crown, a conduit for divine bliss.

You should sit comfortably for this meditation and keep your attention focused as you and your lover prepare to share this incredible energy. Sit facing your partner and if you are able, get into the Yab Yum position, sitting close enough that your legs can wrap around each other, your wife essentially in your lap with her legs on top. You can even enter her, with or without an erection, and allow the energy to grow between you as you meditate on the snake rising from your root chakras and up along the spine, out of the top of your head and intertwining in a serpent’s kiss.

Deep Roots

Your root chakra is a deep red, at the base of your spine and in the root of your genitals and anal passage. It acts as your connection to the earth and the exit point for celestial energy as it grounds through you. Here Shakti is a fat, sleepy snake the color of blood, coiled around the erect column of the spine (and it should be as erect as possible for this meditation). Feel her hot and swelling, stirring, slowly uncurling.

Sexy Sacrum

The sacral chakra is a vibrant orange, the sexual energy of the internal genitals and the fertile garden for all your desires. As the Kundalini snake rises to this second chakra, she grows thicker and fatter, glowing orange as her skin grows tight and like a newborn she emerges from her old self, crawling slowly every upwards to new beginnings.

Personal Power

Up to the third chakra the sexy snake slithers, radiant yellow like a glowing sun in your solar plexus, your center of gravity, the home of your personality and your living energy. Even thicker, she is like a whirling yellow sun with rays of tiny yellow snakes that permeate your entire being, filling you with warmth and power as she wraps even tighter around your spine.

Heartstrings

Your breath fills with this hot fire as the snake crawls higher, past your lungs to wrap her length around your green heart, verdant like the grass of spring and filled with love and emotions. She massages this strong muscle rhythmically, with the pulse of your blood. Breathe in the unconditional love that radiates from her green body like the shoots of green ivy that sprout from her and wrap around your insides, filling you with life as they curl around your arms and legs, branching off and reaching down into the earth.

Hiss and Holler

In the fifth chakra, the center if peace and communication, the snake turns a calm sky blue and thickens to the size of a tree trunk, filling your throat and holding you upright as her roots send nourishment and life through her branches into you. She opens her jaws, unhinging them and letting out all the words and cries, screams and sobs, whimpers and whispers that you have been holding in.

Sixth Sense

She moves up into the sixth chakra, the violet house of the intuition. From this vantage point she looks around and her tongue whispers from out of your third eye, tasting the air, testing for warmth and the smell of predator or prey. Here, Shakti is vibrant and impatient, buzzing with the energy of your wife open eyes.

Cracking Crown

Finally, eager to burst forth from this new life into eternity, the snake cracks open the top of your skull and shoots into the starry sky above, all that brilliant light shining down through her wide open mouth as she reaches to swallow them whole. Their intensity fills her, channeling through her length as it holds you prone, like a pearl dangling on a string in the heavens, tethered to the earth far below. Allow the light to fill you full of the universal love, the force of attraction that keeps the planets every whirling about the sun, that keeps our feet ever tied to the ground. Breathe into this fullness and when you are completely sated, full of bliss, the snake recedes, shrinking back into herself, shedding her skin again as she retreats around your spine and curls up to sleep once more.

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#KUNDALINIMEDITATION

“We will touch our feet, yes,
Yes, for all we’re worth,
And we will love each other, yes,
Yes, like we love our Mother Earth.”
– Bokonon, “Cat’s Cradle” by Kurt Vonegut

When you think of tantric sex, you probably get an immediate image in your mind of acrobatic sex positions that challenge even the most flexible body! While there is a lot more to tantra that twisting up like a pretzel, using new positions can help you focus and reach new heights of ecstasy… but if you’re going to try out some interesting new moves, this simple warm-up routine will help you and your lover connect on a physical level and get into the right mindset to start exploring new sexual positions (without having to worry about cramping up in the middle)!

Forward Bend

Just like it sounds, this one is nice and simple so it’s a great place to start. Try by sitting facing each other with your legs stretched out straight in front of you, feet touching. Keeping your back completely straight, breathe out as you lean forward with your arms outstretched and reach for your ankles, toes, or the hands of your lover depending on your level of flexibility.

Shoulder Stand

This is a much more advanced exercise; the shoulder stand should be avoided by those with neck and back problems. Lie flat on your back and as you breathe in, slowly bring your knees up and your feet close to your bum. Using your hands on your lower back, roll yourself so the soles of your feet turn up toward the ceiling and your legs straighten with your chin tucked into your chest and your weight supported on your shoulders.

Now exhale slowly and allow your legs to drop over your head to touch your feet to the floor, resting in this position to take a few deep breaths. To return to a resting position, slowly roll your spine one vertebrae at a time until your legs reach the floor, being sure to keep your abdomen tensed.

The Fish

You should use this exercise as a follow up to the shoulder stand, lying flat on the floor but this time raising your upper body up on your elbows, hanging your head back to rest on the floor and arching the spine while taking a few deep breaths. Once ready, inhale and roll the spine slowly back down toward the floor to rest.

The Cat & the Cow

Perfect for promoting spinal health, these two positions should be used in a continuous motion, performed on all fours, first inhaling and arching the back with the stomach pointing to the floor and chin jutting out, then exhaling and curving the spine upward while tucking the chin in to the chest and sucking the stomach up. Repeat several times.

The Cobra

For this position, flip around with your belly down, forehead flat on the floor and your palms down on the ground by your shoulders. From this position, extend your arms and inhale as you curve your spine and turn your face upward. Don’t lock your elbows, but hold this pose briefly before exhaling and rolling back down.

The Bridge

Stretch your groin before the grind by lying flat on your back once again, knees bent and feet close to your bum, arms by your side, palms down. Lift your groin from the floor as you inhale and make a straight line on an angle from your shoulders through your chest and abdomen, groin and thighs. Be sure to keep your shoulders firm on the floor at all times. When you are ready, exhale and return to the floor.

The Twist

Finally, this little warm up will help liven the spine and stretch the sides. Return to the very first position, sitting upright with the legs straight out in front of you, facing your partner. Begin the twist by crossing your right foot over your left leg and place it flat on the floor, then place your left arm straight out in front of you, on the outside of your left knee, keeping your back straight and shoulders square. Stretch and take a few deep breaths as your arm presses into your leg, then release the stretch and repeat on the other side.

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#EXERCISEMEDITATIONSEXERCISEYOGA

Recent coverage on several major news networks, including this CNN HeadLine News video, has brought a whole new meaning to hands-free sex! Check out the amazing Barbara Carrellas, in conversation with Joy Behar talking about “Thinking Off” – her own moniker for hands free “energy” orgasms… a whole new kind of sex for those uninitiated in the ways of tantra.

In a recent episode of TLC’s Strange Sex, Barbara showed the world why just about anyone can find a reason to fit meditative sexuality into their daily routine – to help with stress, anxiety, energy or just give a boost of sexual confidence and independence. Because “Thinking Off” describes a physical orgasm without external stimulation, it is especially useful for people with physical disabilities resulting in little to no genital sensation, or extreme difficulty in applying manual stimulation, along with anyone who struggles to experience orgasms partnered or through masturbation.

In addition to applications for the physically disabled or those struggling to experience their first climax, energy orgasms can be incredibly healing and helpful for sexual phobics and others who need to work through intimacy anxiety. The process of sexual meditative trance is designed to slow down the erotic experience, allowing you to first feel the body begin to power up towards orgasm, gaining strength as it increases in intensity, and then simply allowing the sensations to wash over you, your expressions of pleasure flowing freely and going on as long as your body needs.

Energy?

Erotic energy is difficult to measure and even more difficult to explain. Scientists don’t know much about the female orgasm and how it functions in the body and the brain. You may not know it when you see it, but many women are capable of hands-free orgasms. Some women experience climax from nipple stimulation or other kinds of non-genital touch alone, and some may even have had an orgasm simply from a very sexy story! Most of our understanding of these orgasms comes from Carrellas and her willingness to submit herself to MRI orgasm testing. What scientists have found is that the female body is capable of contracting and relaxing the pelvic muscles in such a way that the internal (and sometimes even external) clitoral tissue is squeezed and released. In other words, the clitoris is stimulated from the inside out, without the need for anyone else to be any the wiser!

If your lover has never had a hands-free orgasm before, don’t pressure her to experience something new just for you. Take the time to relax together and enjoy the feelings of erotic energy that you can pass between you. Breathe together, and touch each other slowly and purposefully. You may want to use specific words and phrases as you move through the phases of energy orgasm. This kind of repetitive wordplay can make it easier to experience this same kind of orgasm in the future, using the words as cues to the body. Breathe deeply together and relax into sensation. Let sensation become all there is, without stressful thoughts or worries, negative or overwhelming emotions. Allow only love and joy to rest in your hearts as you come together.

Now What?

You will find that energy orgasms happen when you don’t think about then too much or try too hard. The purpose of sexual energy exploration is to relax the body and the mind, allowing the energy to slide over your skin, through your flesh and move you to new depths of feeling, new heights of ecstasy and new breadths of experience.

The best way to experience an energy orgasm may actually be to… fake it! That’s right. I don’t advocate faking orgasm with your partner, especially when the reasons are to hide your own lack of pleasure, or make your partner feel better, or relieve some kind of pressure you feel to perform.

Instead, go into sex encouraging your wife to playact an orgasm. As she is going through the motions – moaning, squirming, arching her back, clenching her muscles, especially her pelvic floor muscles – continue to stimulate her in a way she finds enjoyable, without genital contact. Touch her breasts, kiss her neck, pinch her nipples, caress her thighs and belly… do whatever she loves the most. You may just find that “just pretend” becomes very real, sooner rather than later!

The meditative technique for this kind of trance work is not complicated and anyone willing to lower their boundaries and let go of themselves and their preconceptions about sex can learn. Remember, as with all the sexual skills, practice makes perfect.

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#ENERGY #ORGASM #HANDSFREE #ORGASM

Tantra was once widely accepted as a science among healers and religious leaders in ancient times. The meaning of the word is complex and layered, having to do with “the science of cosmic principles” and often likened to the thread which is the weft in the weaving of life, the way to understanding and enlightenment.

Enlightenment sounds like a fancy word for “too much time on your hands” to those of us who work all day and struggle just to connect with each other on any meaningful level… but the power of enlightening experiences is that they teach us something new, allow us to see something that was once in the dark, walk a new path, embark on a new journey, and see new doors opening to us.

Anytime that you begin to feel horny, restless, jittery, on edge, or frustrated about your sex life… you have a choice to make:

you can have sex
you can be created
you can do both!

Which do you choose?

Often, we decide that what we want is just the sex, but when it isn’t readily forthcoming and we aren’t sure how to engage our partner, we end up expending our energy being angry, fighting, getting frustrated, masturbating, working out, or engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Did you realize that simply by choosing one of the other two options, you can exponentially increase your chances of bringing on the Big O at the end of it all?

Whatever it is you choose to do with your creative energy, there is bound to be some way to make it sensual, to link it into your relationship and improve your intimacy!

Science

Think about what “traditionally” constitutes science, according to modern academics – chemistry, biology, physics. All three are deeply embedded in your day-to-day life! Chemistry can teach you about aphrodisia and the hormonal dance of foreplay. Biology takes you deeper into the body’s reproductive systems, the processes of sexual desire, and the ways you can tweak your lifestyle for great sex! The physics of sex puts you in the right position, and gives you the thrust and the leverage you need.

Craft

Can’t think of any kinky crafts? Oh the things you could do! Aside from the obvious – making your own sex toys, erotic accessories, massage oil, scented candles, delicious dinners and desserts – craft can be anything that you can put some elbow grease, blood and sweat into that pumps up your metabolism, your testosterone, and maybe even gets you and your lover closer together.

If your wife has a to-do list for you as long as your arm, think of these things as craft! Not only will fixing the toilet and cleaning of the gutters get your blood pumping, but you can bet it’ll get her going as well! Plumbing, carpentry, even being great at getting a few odd jobs done around the house can make you feel like a master craftsman!

Art

Maybe you already think of yourself as an artist (aren’t you lucky!) but if you are like most of the rest of us, you usually leave art for museum walls. Ah but art can be so much more! Art is inspired and inspiring, it speaks some truth about your life and shares it with another. The kind of art that’s good for your sex life is about sharing something erotic with your lover! What kind of art forms inspire you?

If your standard paints, pens, pencils, pastels or other mediums don’t spark your interest, try writing your lover a romantic poem or playing with some sexy body paints. Get creative and go for it! Use that creative force to make something beautiful and then go and make some love!

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While tantra is a kind of yoga in and of itself, your daily tantric practices can benefit immensely from implementing other forms of yoga as well. In my humble opinion, the best daily yoga practices are the Salutations. The Salute to the Sun (or the Sun Salutation) is performed in the morning, preferably at dawn. It focuses on movements that bend and stretch you vertically, arching and flexing the spine forward and backward. The Salute to the Moon is done in the evening before bed, or during a brief midnight waking time to help relieve the tension. It bends you from side you side and stretches your lateral edges.

There are many different variations of each which can be practiced with different levels of complexity with a simple set of moves or a more lengthy version (or two, or three) as well as mantras and meditations which can accompany each move. The way you choose to practice the Salutations will depend entirely on your goals and desire for the practice. Do you want yoga to improve your flexibility? Your stamina? Your concentration? Your singing voice? Your health and your mood?

As a tool for focusing and channeling energy, yoga can be incredibly powerful. Think about what you would like to learn by tuning in to the solar energies of the day and the lunar energies of the night.

The Sun

The sun, the ruler of the day, is often (but not always) associated with masculine energy in our ancient mythos. You feel the energy of the sun in your aptly named solar plexus. It is the energy of your will, your path in life, the road you walk. Starting your day with Sun Salutations can help you cement daily practice as an integral part of your life. Use this time in the morning to make a plan together for the day and decide on division of labor, chores, meals but also some sexy time together!

The Moon

The mistress of the night is typically associated with womanhood and femininity, based on her month-long cycle which matches that of a woman’s menstruation. The moon is associated with intuition, mystery, darkness, revelation and illumination. While the changes of the sun are seasonal and based on cycles which are noticed best over the long-term observations of the length of the days, the cycles of the moon can be seen changing every day as it waxes and wanes, goes dark and reappears again. The forces of the moon are thus more changeable. While our will and our goals are often long-term, the mysteries of life can appear – and disappear – quite suddenly.

Gratitude

One of the greatest opportunities you will be given during daily practice is to practice deep gratitude. What is it in your life that makes you feel truly grateful? Spend some time dwelling on this as you stretch your body in the morning when you first wake, and in the evening when you wake from your slumber long enough to enjoy your lover. Deep gratitude should be shared, so give to your lover all your love and grace, so you can be grateful together.

Salutations

Take your pick of sequences from the dozens of lessons available online. There are many videos free to watch or download, along with articles and further descriptions on the chakra associations, mantras, meditations and movements that can accompany the basic prayers to the sun and the moon.

What do you ask of the sun? Seek strength, stamina, drive and determination. Pray for guidance on the road of life and smooth passage during the day’s light. Ask that your seeds may be sown, sprout, grow strong and reap delicious fruits!

What do you ask of the moon? Go in search of mystery and devotion, love and emotion. Pray for connection to the divine and answers from the ancestors. Ask that you may be connected to nature, that your dreams bring you insight into the mysteries beyond the known universe and let it inspire your love life! Don’t go back to sleep without bringing your lover a little bit of mystery.

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“Blake said that the body was the soul’s prison unless the five senses are fully developed and open. He considered the senses the “windows of the soul”. When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience.”- Jim Morrison

You can count your senses on one hand, but there are limitless ways to use them to turn up the bedroom heat. You rely on your senses to help you savor a delicious meal, sniff out a fabulous new fragrance, and feel the quality of a cashmere sweater. But you probably didn’t know you can use these perceptions to enhance your pleasure. Fact is, the more senses you engage, the more amazing sex becomes.

Unfortunately, most of us tale the senses for granted because we use them all day in nonsexual situations. Well, that ends here. I’ve mapped out ways to reap the carnal rewards of sight, smell, touch, taste and sound. Bust them out during foreplay, the main event and beyond for thrilling new tantric sensations.

1. Sight.

The human brain only needs three seconds to process images- so arousal can spark in the blink of an eye. Guys rely on visual clues more than women do because your other senses aren’t as nuanced as ours. You’re also left-brain oriented, so you’re more stimulated by shapes. Make the most of your partner’s immediate sense with these eye-popping tricks:

• Before you do something to her (sucking her finger, stroking her scalp), do it to yourself. Not only are you priming yourself for pleasure, you’re creating anticipation for her.

• Focus intently on her body and down-there area. Then look up and give her a knowing smile. This broadcasts that you’re fully absorbed with her body- and feeds her ego, making her de-stress about the imperfections or irregularities of her body.

• No matter the position, lock eyes with her. If you’re entering her from behind, have her turn to meet your gaze mid-thrust and sweeten the visual pot. It sends the message that you’re really into her and keeps your arousal high because your partner is mirroring her desire back at you.

2. Smell.

Smell mainlines into the area of the brain that controls memories. That’s why we can recall smells with 65 percent accuracy after a year, while visual recall of photos sinks to 50 percent after three months. Keep this sense up to snuff by treating each other to new scents in unexpected places.

• Pick a scent that relates to a hot memory- light a pine candle in honor of that romantic night you spent together in the woods or a tropical jasmine scent to evoke that steamy vacation in the tropics. Speaking of candles, be sure to invest in quality wicks. Bonus tip: soy-based candles release a purer aroma than those made from wax.

• Wear the same scent each time you have sex with your partner for the next 30 days and have her do the same. By month’s end, you’ll both associate these perfumes with passion.

• According to a study from the University of Pennsylvania, we’re able to smell better the more we sniff. Alternate your breathing by taking short inhalations of the smells around you- the deliciousness of her skin, the fine scent of her hair- followed by long, slow ones. This makes the scent linger longer in your mind.

3. Touch.

Studies show that massages, either erotic, or quasi non-sexual, reduce stress and transmits feel-good vibes all over your body, creating a stronger sense of closeness and emotional connection.

• Have her straddle you during sex. With legs interlocked and arms embraced, you’ll cover more tactile territory.

• To sharpen your tactile abilities, try closing your eyes and writing with your non-dominant hand or feeling the nubby texture of an orange. Take your newfound abilities to bed and treat her to a long session of “finger-mapping”.

• The more subtle a touch, the better, studies show. So caress her body over her clothes. The feel of your fingers and palm together with the softness of the fabrics will create extra arousal for your partner.

4. Taste.

The human tongue has 10,000 taste buds, and stimulating those bumps sends signals to the brain’s pleasure center. Taste and sex go hand in hand, since they activate the part of the nervous system that controls relaxation.

• Keep your taste buds alert by experimenting with new flavors. There are amazing exotic fruits that many people have never tried- star fruit, persimmon, pomegranates. Not only are they fleshier and more evocative of sex, but they’ll stain your lips an alluring reddish hue.

• Nibble on each other’s lips and ears. Note the differences between body parts: how the inside of the arm is salty and the small of the back is sweeter.

• Research out of the University of Wisconsin found that taste buds alone do not determine what something tastes like; expectation plays a big role. So imagine that you’re sucking on your favorite ice-cream during oral sex and she’ll taste even more delicious.

5. Sound.

With aural sex, less is more. Our brains like to analyze sounds, which can be distracting in bed.

• Women are turned on by hearing their name. Say her name during sex, varying the pitch, tone and volume.

• Whisper in her left ear. A study from Sam Houston State University found that women are able to recall more than 70 percent of emotional words like “kiss” and “passion” with their left ear, compared to 58 percent with the right. Why? The left ear is controlled by the emotional part of the brain.

• Play music with a steady bass line, which echoes heartbeats and can be highly arousing. Pick songs that you both love, so you won’t be distracted, and keep the volume set at its “sweet spot”: not too loud or soft.

Have a sensual week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Intense, soulful sex requires prime concentration. Clue in to the sound of each other’s heartbeats and sighs.

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You may have noticed that Tantric sex is getting a lot of attention these days. It seems everywhere you look there is a book or television show about it. Yet, despite its popularity many people do not know what Tantric sex is or understand all that is encompasses.

Tantric Sex is not Like Regular Sex

Tantric sex is different than most other types of sex because it is focused on more than just orgasm or pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of pleasure to go around when practicing Tantric sex and people who practice it report having the most intense orgasms of their lives. However, Tantric sex is more of a philosophy and way of life that takes you on a path of enlightenment and on this path of enlightenment people can experience a new level of sexual pleasure.

What is This Enlightenment and Energy?

The practice of Tantric sex is believed to be over 5,000 years old. It comes from Eastern philosophy and is a spiritual practice that people apply to all areas of their lives. The purpose of the spiritual practice of Tantric sex is to achieve enlightenment and in Tantra the highest point of enlightenment comes from a sexual union. The peak of spiritual awareness comes from sex and orgasm. The male energy is called Shiva and the female energy Shakti and sex is a merging of these two energies.

Guys, if you are thinking about trying Tantric sex to take your lovemaking to a new level then here are a few tips to get you started:

A Happy Space is a Sexy Space

Tantric sex starts with establishing a sacred space for your lovemaking. You do not have to spend a lot of money redecorating. It is what is in you and your partner’s mind, sight, hearing, touch and smell. Use all your senses. Try a taking a bath together with lavender. Lavender relaxes the body and mind. Light some scented candles and put some really nice sheets on your bed. You want to create a calm and romantic environment. Clear away all the clutter in the room and find some slow music that will help you both relax.

You also want to create a private environment without interruption or distraction. Shut off your landline, cell phones and televisions. It is impossible to concentrate on each other with all that technology beeping and ringing all the time. Your sacred space is just that, sacred.

It’s All About the Breathing

One of the most important aspects of Tantric sex is the breathing. Remember you are trying to merge your energy and become one. Becoming aware of your breathing is crucial in Tantra. You want harmony so you can be in sync with your partner. Sometimes it takes relearning how to breathe. Take deep breaths and cleanse your body. Have you ever watched a baby breathe? They don’t hold their breath and it is completely involuntary. It is only as we grow and learn behaviors that our breathing changes and we learn to hold our breath in. To practice Tantric sex this has to be unlearned.

One easy thing you can do to work on your breathing with your partner is to try to yab-yom position. Have her straddle your lap so you are facing each other. While she inhales, you exhale and vice versa. As she exhales, take in her breath through your whole body and as you exhale try to give your energy with your breath to her. Strive for a natural rhythm.

Look Her In The Eye

Another fundamental skill you must master to start practicing Tantric sex is eye contact. When was the last time you kept your eyes open during sex? Couples usually close their eyes during lovemaking thinking it helps them connect but actually it helps them disconnect. It can be difficult to do at first so start with loving glances and increase the time you spend making eye contact.

Next time you are touching your partner’s genitals, instead of closing your eyes or looking at her genitals, look into her eyes. Next time you are touching her anywhere, look into her eyes. Look into her eyes and touch her. It may be uncomfortable for her to keep her eyes open at first too but give her loving encouragement. The more you can keep eye contact the deeper you will connect. It may not be something you can conceptualize right now, but when it happens you will feel it, and that deeper connection is the start of Tantric sex and greater sexual pleasure.

Stay tuned for more tips to help you on your journey to sexual enlightenment.

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“Humans are the only animals who can have sex over the phone” – David Letterman

It will check your Facebook and book you a holiday. Now your mobile can give you an orgasm and a better sex life, too. Your smartphone is 2012’s answer to the Rabbit, and it’s about to revolutionize how you have sex. From apps that show you what to do with your partner when you are both naked, to online sex shops, this is the future of your love life.

Your phone as a… Sex Coach

You’ve got your woman, now what? How about free app Adult Truth or Dare, which asks questions such as, “What girl here would you most like to cover in honey and lick from head to toe?” and dares like, “Lose three items of clothing (shoes and socks don’t count).”

It’s great to play with your partner, all psychologists agree on this. It teases out stories you’ve never heard before, and builds sexual suspense. And since you can also add your own questions and dares, you can sneakily personalize it to get whatever else you want, for example a massage or the blowjob of your life.

But why stop here? No matter how good you think you are in bed, you can always get better. The free Android apps that contain sex tips for couples can teach you a thing or two or, better yet, you can use your phone to log onto gabriellemoore.com to fill in the blanks, sex wise, and find out tricks on what to do or say to always keep your partner satisfied, including reminders of what she needs in bed, like ego boosting compliments.

 Your phone as an… Erotic Read

Women take 20 minutes longer than men to get aroused, you know that. Moreover, the female mind gets more fired up reading a story and having to work to visualize the scene, than by passively watching porn. So get a head start by reading together a racy book before you hook up. Literotica.com has thousands of free erotic stories. Pick whatever tickles your fancy, from first-time flings to sci-fi sex. At cliterati.co.uk real people post their own fantasies- you can even have a go at writing a few yourselves. Start stoking her fire by sending her a message with a story you think she might like so you’re perfectly in sync by the time you both get home. Her libido is like a muscle that grows bigger when you flex it – so the more she thinks about sex, the more she’ll want it.

Your phone as a… Libido Stroker

While you’re teasing yourselves with a few sexy scenarios, get even more excited by starting a saucy photo shoot (don’t do anything dodgy with the photos though, otherwise she will never agree to do it again). Up the tension by taking photos of your partner at various stages of a striptease, she’ll feel sexier and more desired seeing you get constantly harder and wilder at the view of her gorgeous body. On a side note, I cannot stress more the importance of… viewer discretion. When you take naked pictures of either your partner or yourself with your phone, store the images in a password protected “secret” folder. Also, think carefully about who you send them too. Once they’re released into cyberspace, they become the property of the recipients to do with them as they please. And if you’re someone who continuously misplaces his phone, step away now!

Your phone as a… Pocket Kamasutra

Sex Positions #2 is a free Android app on Google Play that suggests 140 sex positions for daring couples – and it’s accessible online. For iPhone users, try Art of Sex, which not only features sex positions but also a game of dice – so you can leave it up to fate to decide how your night plays out.

Have a spectacular week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Some might go as far as considering using the “vibrating” powers of the phone as well. My recommendation: don’t go there. For that kind of below the belt job, use a real vibrator. It’s cleaner and… more effective.

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“Once the buttons are undone, you know how it will all end. It’s all in the game, there are no miracles.” – Gao Xingjian

There’s only one thing that can soup up your sex life: it’s either a) a pleasure-seeking centaur woman named Xena-the-sex-addict, who roams the land eating oysters for breakfast, or b) you. If you said “a”, congratulations, you’re the one lucky guy in a million. But if you said “b”, you’re correct! You have to rig up those bedroom fireworks by yourself. Well, almost by yourself. Because I’m here to lend a helping hand as well – and like a sex-connaiseur superhero who travels the globe in online form, it’s my job to save the say. Or night.

Sex is most fulfilling when you have an open dialogue with your partner – but I know actually starting that conversation  is easier said than… said. So, to give you a superior leg over, here are four questions to ask your lover. Clear your schedule, is question time in the bedroom!

1)    What’s on your rider? Britney Spears has Doritos and chicken wings on hers, but you get one too. What’s on your sexual rider? Condoms, lube, exclusivity, handcuffs? Discuss who’s bringing what to the table. Everyone’s definition of a committed relationship and birth control differs, so make sure you’re on the same page to avoid being left high, dry and disappointed.

2)    What boils your potatoes? It’s amazing how hard it is for people to be honest about their fantasies. But brainstorming them with your partner is better than just springing one on her in the bedroom. Be open to her thoughts, too. Discuss what you’re game for, or any baby steps you might require. Remember, though, boundaries aren’t just for fences – only do what you’re both down with.

3)    Who’s behind you? Most people’s sexual past reads like a Dickens novel: skeletons, ghosts, mysteries! You don’t have to know where, when and who with, but it’s wise to share the basic details of your history. Remember that when you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with everyone they’ve had sex with – like a giant orgy. If you’re not comfortable enough with her to have a chinwag about STIs, you shouldn’t put your hot dog in her microwave unless it’s under hooded protection.

4)    How’s your schedule? It’s not unromantic to pencil her in – it’s ingenious. Would you ever go on holiday without planning ahead? Even fun times need a blueprint. That way, you’ll know what’s looming. Think of it like claiming a tax refund – have the fun is imagining how you’ll spend it.

Now that you have an arsenal of stimulating questions, go forth and use them wisely. Because it’s your sex life; if the fireworks are fizzling, the onus is on you to turn that sucker around. And may the honest chitchat and mind-blowing pyrotechnics be with you! Virtual superhero, over and out.

Have a hot week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Don’t be the only one asking all the questions. Encourage your partner to follow your lead by ensuring her you’ll be just as supportive and understanding of her needs as she is of yours.

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