“Electric flesh-arrows… traversing the body. A rainbow of color strikes the eyelids. A foam of music falls over the ears. It is the gong of the orgasm.”–Anais Nin

You might think that an orgasm is an orgasm, no matter which hole was being penetrated, but let me tell you that is not the case.

The anal orgasm is, as you’ve already figured out, an orgasm brought on by anal stimulation, such as from an inserted finger, penis, or sex toy. All women are able to achieve it, but only a few have the luck to actually experience it.

The sexual climax can be either complete or incomplete, depending on your ability to touch, and thrust her at the right moment. Some lucky ones may come to experience an anal orgasm without even stimulating the anus, but by stimulation of the buttocks and anal cleft with the tongue.

How it actually happens: typically, through stimulation of the G spot, through the wall shared between the vagina and the rectum. Yes, it’s an indirect stimulation, but perhaps that’s why so many women (and men!) praise its intensity. As a matter in fact, anecdotal evidence suggests that some women experience anal orgasm as qualitatively different from clitoral or vaginal orgasm.

So yes, anal orgasm is not just a ‘convenient’ theory promulgated by men who want to get their respective girlfriends to try it. It’s real, it’s happening and it can be taught.

1. Start with a firm/soft massage of her buttocks. Use contradictory moves- to enhance pleasure- light vs. firm, teasing vs. real pinching, etc.

2. After separating the buttocks a little bit, start massaging the area near the anus, but this time use gentler moves

3. With a well lubed finger start by circling the anal opening with light moves.

4. Try the analingus technique called Rose Petals, in which you move your tongue in tiny circular loops, as if you are tracing the sepals (the small green leaves at the bottom) of a rose, and then move your tongue in a circle around the rim of the anus (this is known as rimming).

5. Once you insert a whole finger or a penis and you reach the rectum, another set of pleasures are involved. The outer portion of the rectum, like the vagina, has several nerve endings. The inner portion responds mostly to pressure. Rectal pressure is particularly important to enthusiasts of fisting, a form of anal sex in which several fingers or even the entire hand are inserted into the rectum and sometimes into the lower colon.

6. When you feel she’s ready to come, if you want to facilitate its appearance, additional manual stimulation of the clitoris is advisable.

7. Also, for women who love a full feeling, try simultaneous penetration of the anus and the vagina, pairing it with clitoral stimulation, as mentioned above.

8. The intensity of the anal orgasm can be achieved by psychological aspects as well as physical. The anal taboo adds to the thrill of the forbidden. The most common myth against anal sex (it’s dirty!) sometimes returns as a source of kinky excitement. Rimming enthusiasts may enjoy the feeling that they are being delightfully perverse. Other people regard the anus as a secret, special place. Sharing it with a partner is an act of openness and giving.

9. The easiest way to NOT have an anal orgasm is to become determined to have one. Seeking it will create new pressures and disrupt the pleasure.

10. Diet also contributes to the feeling of anal pleasure. Regular bowel movements and a sufficient amount of fiber in the system prevents irritation of the bowel tissues, which causes discomfort and adds up to muscular tension.

Have a sweet and hot week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. The orgasm thus achieved is described ‘deeper’, more global and intense, longer lasting and associated with greater feelings of ecstasy. Make sure you give it to her! Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

“Anal sex is like spinach: if you’re forced to eat it, you won’t enjoy it”– Daniel Tosh

Nothing divides a room full of women like the subject of anal sex. For some it’s the last great sexual taboo. For others it’s something to try once, and then discard. And then there are women who swear by it as one of life’s great pleasures.

According to a survey of 100,000 readers of Redbook magazine, 43% of women have tries anal sex at least once. Since more people are talking about it than ever before, it may appear that a revolution in the bedroom is under way. Gabrielle Morrissey, head of the sexology course at Bond University and author of Urge, stresses this: “Anal eroticism is on the menu more than it ever was. People are definitely more curious about it- even if not all of them are actively experimenting with it.”

What a boy wants

Since anal sex is usually thought to be forbidden, no wonder it’s a turn on for you guys. The thrill of breaking a taboo can take you back to when you discovered sex for the first time. You also cite a different physical sensation as one of the reasons you are drawn to it. The external sphincter is very tight and it has been argued that it gives more pleasure than the vagina. Also, it feels different from the vaginal canal- not just tight, but smooth, offering a different sensation.

Hurts so good?

From the female perspective- the physical sensation can be quite different- and painful! Why? Most people have a muscle-contraction reaction in this area, to stop fecal matter escaping. When you insert something into the sphincter, the muscle clamps down. You have to consciously relax to overcome that, which can be very difficult to some women.

The solution is lube and taking things slowly. The anus doesn’t have a lot of natural moisture, so it’s vital to use a good-quality, water-based lube. Particularly the first time insertion should be very slow. Add lube as often as necessary and have your girlfriend or wife breathe out as you insert further, and talk it through as you go.

While the typical image of anal sex is for the man to position himself behind his partner, in a doggie style scenario, I suggest trying out different moves. The sitting position, with the woman on top, allows her more control. You can also do it in the missionary position, or side by side. You need to get her to be as calm as possible; if she’s nervous, she’ll literally constrict, making it more difficult. If it hurts, stop.

The hygiene fact freak-out

For many couples, pain isn’t the barrier that prevents them from experimenting with anal sex. It’s, well… poop. Though there’s not much chance of things getting messy. The rectum is usually empty. Fecal matter may be an issue if she’s constipated or suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but most people won’t encounter anything untoward.

Good hygiene is vital when practicing anal eroticism. Use condoms with anal sex and use a fresh one to insert the penis back into the vagina. You don’t want to mess with the balance of bacteria in the anus and you certainly don’t want to introduce bacteria found in the rectum into the vagina. Stay clean even if you’re indulging in “hand play” in the anal area. Wash fingers before and after inserting them into the rectum.

But is it dangerous?

Truth is, bottoms are not as robust as the vagina. Small tears and bleeding are more of an issue for penetrative sex in this area- and it’s easier to transfer infections this way. If she’s in pain after anal sex, a cool water wash might help. If she’s really sore, look at your technique and see what you’re doing wrong.

If you practice anal sex regularly, there’s another thing to be aware of. Some people’s sphincter muscles can become loose, leading to anal incontinence. But it takes decades to get to this point. It’s more of an issue for people who like to play with oversized toys; meanwhile if you insert something as relative in size as the penis, long-term issues are unlikely to happen.

Of course, you don’t need to stop at the penis- sex toys designed specifically for anal eroticism are available. But make sure you’re using just the ones that are specially designed for this kind of intercourse. We’ve all heard “those” hospital stories.

Have a fully sensual week-end,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Don’t underestimate the pleasure you too can receive if you try this kind of play. Your G-spot is at the top of the rectum and it can give you a different kind of orgasm- streaming, instead of pulsing. Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

Take a deep breath and smile for me honey, there is no need to stress. Take my advice and your back door exploration will go off without a hitch!

There are many reasons why you and your lover might want to try a bit of an anal reversal. If you have been wondering what it might feel like to explore your back door, if your wife thinks it could be fun, or if she is a bit nervous about trying anal herself and wants some reassurance, this is a great way to initiate the conversation and get comfortable with trying something new. If you are willing to try anal sex toys slowly with your partner, it may help ease her fears that you will be careless or hurt her accidentally. By understanding how it feels to enter this delicate spot, you will be able to approach your wife with much more care and confidence.

Anal Mythology

Is anal stimulation “gay”? Does it hurt? Will I like it? Is it messy? How will it feel? How do we start?

First off, slow down. There is nothing homosexual about enjoying anal stimulation. Many people of different genders and sexual orientations enjoy this kind of sex, and others of the same orientations do not! How you feel about anal sex is a personal preference. How it feels and how you go about getting started will be different for everyone, but if you go slow and take safety precautions, there is no reason you won’t thoroughly enjoy your heterosexual self!

Getting Started

It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that the same rules apply today as when we have discussed anal sex in the past: be clean, be comfortable, be safe. Both of you should clean your nether-regions, hands, and toys before each playtime. Use lubrication that is compatible with your toys and condoms, which make a great easy-cleanup solution.

Before you head on off to the toy store and start shopping, take some time to explore with your fingers. You may want to spend some time playing with your own clean hands before you introduce the idea to your wife, just to see if you are in fact interested. Don’t be dismayed if it’s a bit strange and awkward all by yourself, but do note if you experience any pain or discomfort and wait a few days before trying again with your lover.

Go slow, don’t push, breathe deeply, and use your lube.

What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander

Massage is a great way to get started with anal play. If you are considering asking your lover to perform analingus, go the extra mile and shave or wax, or even ask her to help you out. If you don’t trust her to clean you up when you can’t do it yourself, don’t expect her to even consider getting her lips down there!

Any of the butt plugs, anal beads, dildos or vibrators that your wife would enjoy will work for you as well. Be sure to get something flared at the base, or with a very long handle, to prevent it from getting lost inside – no one wants to make that trip to the doctor! Be sure to sanitize and disinfect your toys properly according to their materials. If they can’t be sanitized, be sure to use them with a condom every time if you intend to share.

The Prostate: Toys Just for Boys

You may have thought that this toy story would be exactly the same as it was for the ladies, but you’ll be happy to hear that your prostate gives you an entirely unique way to experience anal sex, and there are plenty of toys made just for your body.

Your prostate is a small, chestnut-sized bump about two inches inside your anal cavity. Take your time getting there! Lie on your back with your legs up. Massage your perineum, the space between your testicles and anus. Make your entrance slowly, resting when you pass the first sphincter before putting pressure onto the second. When you enter one knuckle past the second sphincter and into the anal cavity, you should be able to locate the prostate. Move slowly, crooking your finger in toward your belly.

This crooked-finger shape is that design inspired by most prostate toys. Shop around and enjoy the vast selection! Remember to clean your toys properly and thoroughly after use or between partners – they were made for a man’s form, but you might just find that your lover enjoys the way it hits her G-Spot, so don’t be afraid to share!

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more crucial information about anal play and the right way to experience pleasure through it, check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

Most people who have ever experienced an enema have done so at the request of a medical professional, which definitely takes any fun out of the experience.

Some people enjoy enemas and others use them simply for “housecleaning” but they are gaining in popularity as anal sex becomes more common in the average relationship. The title may be a bit misleading – enemas aren’t really for everyone, but they are a safe and potentially even a sensual way to help make your body (or your lover’s) clean and prepped for enjoying anal sex.

Enemas should not be taken often, so if you are anal fiends and enjoy it on a very regular basis, you should probably just suck it up and get used to a bit of mess. Whether or not to take an enema is ultimately a persona decision, so don’t pressure your partner to try it if she is uncomfortable with the idea. As always, being willing to try something yourself may help make her more comfortable with the process, so don’t shy away. Getting clean may entice her to enjoy some “reverse anal play” too!

If the idea of an enema still intrigues you, and you would like to see what all the fuss is about, read on.

The What and the Where

The easiest and most popular form of enema can be bought at your local pharmacy or big box store. Most hot water bottles come with the hose and nozzle attachment designed specifically for this purpose, so no one has to know why you’re buying the product. Very inconspicuous!

Many sex toys and other specialty shops sell “anal douche” and other special enema products. These are not necessary. Do not buy special scented anal douching products, or try to add salt or any other additives to your enema water. Whatever is put into your body this way can be absorbed very quickly, so plain lukewarm water is always best.

How and Why

While the “why” of enemas may seem obvious – perceived cleanliness being the biggest factor – some people eroticize the process as well. If you have ever considered a little kinky doctor or nurse play, you could actually make the enema process part of your sexual exploration. Of course, if you are using an enema solely for the purpose of avoiding the unpleasantness of waste, you probably won’t find the process very sexy at all.

Enemas should not be performed immediately before anal sex, because the process can occasionally irritate the anal cavity and strip it of its protective lining. If you are “regular” then you can perform an enema shortly after your daily bowel movement, then wait 3-4 hours (ideally without eating anything that might cause you digestive distress) before engaging in any kind of anal sex play.

Receiving an enema is easy, and it can be done alone if necessary. Water temperature is of the utmost importance, so test it with your elbow like you would a child’s bath. It should be about body temperature – warm, but not too warm – and you can fill the bag to a reasonable level. Be sure the on/off valve is in place on the hose, because it may take some time for the water to settle during the process. You may have to stop and start again once or twice before being full. If you experience any cramping, stop the flow at once and wait. If the cramping doesn’t go away within a minute or so, remove the nozzle and expel the liquid at once.

The Dirty Details

The process is simple. Lubricate the nozzle for easy insertion and fill the bag with lukewarm water and let a bit drain out before closing the valve, which should be very close to the nozzle to prevent air bubbles from entering your system. After inserting the nozzle gently, open the valve on the hose and lift the bag up just above waist level. The higher the bag, the faster the flow, so be sure to keep the bag close to your waist to prevent the water from entering too fast.

You may find it most comfortable to lie on your stomach during this process – if so, you may need someone else to hold the bag, again not too high. You should try to remain in the bathroom and close to the toilet, so a pile of towels or pillows on the floor may help to make you more comfortable. When the water is fully drained, or you feel as full as is comfortable, remove the nozzle carefully and simply wait for a few minutes… or as long as you can stand without discomfort. When you are ready, head to the toilet and rinse!

Afterwards, enjoy a quick rinse in the shower, and then spend a few hours relaxing and getting ready for your anal adventure!

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more crucial information about anal play and the right way to experience pleasure through it, check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

If anal sex is on your sex to-do list and not your wife’s, you probably aren’t going to be checking that one off anytime soon. But did you know that you could be the one who’s actually putting the brakes on? There are a number of common mistakes that men make when it comes ti initiating and engaging in anal sex, and any one of them could put an end to your access to her rear end! In fact, if there is even the slightest chance that someone else may have done one of these things to her in the past, it could be just as bad for you…

… but knowing the problem is half the solution.

The Problem

1. You watch too much porn.

This one should be self-explanatory. Unless your wife is a porn star, it’s unlikely that she will have anal sex like a porn star. Get it? Twisted up positions, quick insertions, lubeless sex, quick cuts… none of these are indicative of real life experiences. Anal sex can be amazing and hot, but don’t have unrealistic expectations or you will both leave disappointed.

2. You don’t talk about it.

Most women don’t enjoy having the idea of their first anal experience sprung on them in the heat of the moment, especially if you do the springing by just going for it, instead of saying something first! If your wife can’t tell whether you are probing her anus on purpose, or just missing your mark, you have already gone astray with the experience.

If you have never had anal sex with your wife before, don’t bring it up during sex. Talk about it in a non-sexual environment, about what both of your needs and desires are, about any fears or worries. Decide on an agreement about trying it out and stick to it.

3. You aren’t ready.

If you forgot to bring lube, aren’t cleaned up, just ate a giant meal, don’t know your safe sex protocols, haven’t learned the first thing about anal anatomy and are just relying on your gutt instincts to do it right the first time, I suggest you rethink your plan. There is a wealth of information here for you to browse and learn everything you need to know to get started the right way. Don’t blow what might be your best chance at impressing her by going in there on blind faith.

4. She isn’t ready.

Not only may you need to calm her fears and soothe her worries, you have to make sure she is in a relaxed and aroused state before, during and after the experience. Warm her up with lots of foreplay and erotic massage, to get her muscles relaxed and her skin supple.

One of the best ways to encourage relaxation is through orgasm! Use whatever means necessary to bring her to orgasm with your fingers and mouth in particular. If she enjoys vaginal intercourse and can orgasm from that as well, get started there. Unless you wear a condom for anal, you won’t be able to come back to vaginal sex afterward without cleaning up, so enjoy it while you can!

Some women can come from anal stimulation alone, but if you really want to improve her chances of experiencing an orgasm during anal sex, you won’t ignore the rest of her genitals. Try placing a small dildo in her vagina before you enter her anus. Use your fingers or a vibrator on her clit.

If penetrative anal sex doesn’t work for you at first (for many women, it will be painful no matter what), start with something smaller. Do not use household objects! Buy a proper sex toy for the job. You can get sets of 3 or 4 butt plugs that start especially small and work up to something that might be the same width as an average penis. Don’t forget to use lube, even with the plugs, and don’t leave them in for too long at once. If you are using a lube that absorbs into the body, like water or oil, remember that there will be less lube to pull out the plug the longer it is inserted. Plugs are great to insert during manual and oral stimulation, after her first orgasm, and can be left in for very unique sensations during vaginal intercourse.

5. You aren’t paying attention.

It’s simple. If you can’t focus on a steady, slow rhythm and penetrating only as much as she is comfortable, or just staying still while she manages the insertion herself, things could get painful fast. Be mindful. Be still. If you must, lay back and have her kneel between your legs, facing away. She can spread her cheeks if necessary and you can hold your lubed penis still while she slowly backs up onto it at her own pace. It could take only a minute or two, it may take half an hour to get just the head inside, but if she can be in control her fear will dissapate and she can do what she needs to feel comfortable!

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more juicy and saucy tips and secrets on how to properly enjoy anal play, check out my program on the subject, Anal Ecstasy.

There are a lot of reasons that women like anal sex, but it can be easy with something so often seen as taboo to fixate on one particular fantasy, one fetish. Do you have an anal fetish? When you close your eyes and think about the kind of anal sex that you want, is the fantasy always the same? What does it look like?

Now consider this… what if your anal fantasy is getting in the way of making it happen? Could your fixation on getting it your way be preventing it from happening at all?

Your wife’s personal flavor, her desires and ambitions, her wants and needs, her fears and hesitations when it comes to anal will all be part of the way she feels when you come on to her. If she isn’t sure of your motives, or she isn’t into your specific flavor of anal, the fun and games could be over before it has even begun! Try to pinpoint her wants and feelings towards anal play before you go gung ho.

Sweet and Mild

For many women, the “first time” experience of anal sex is appealing because it is a way to experience that “new relationship energy” all over again. Whether it is entirely new for her, or just something you haven’t tried together yet, it gives the relationship a whole new barrier to breach, pun intended. You should treat this experience as if you are laying down with a virgin all over again. Go as superbly slow as possible. Woo her over the course of a few weeks or even months, if it suits you! The more time she has to become accustomed to the sensations of different kinds of anal penetration and become comfortable with stretching to accommodate you, the more likely she is to thoroughly enjoy a fully penetrating experience!

Wet and Wild

Some women get into anal sex specifically because it can be so sensually wet and messy, in a good way. She probably enjoys lube a whole lot and will get right into extended foreplay… but don’t back off too quickly either. She may want to get right down to the “dirty” stuff when she’s warmed up.

Beauty Beguiled

For some women, it is the experience of being an object of pleasure and delight, as well as a vision of beauty to be desired, which drives them to enjoy anal play. She may enjoy women-on-top anal positions, which can give you an incredible view and enough time to gather your thoughts and pull off some staggering word play. Do everything in your power to make her feel absolutely gorgeous, while she takes the physical lead and controls your pace and depth for a comfortable ride. Go!

Flower Child

Many women enjoy anal for its simple, sensual aspects. Erotic massage is the perfect lead in for this lovely lady, who may also enjoy having delicate fruits and chocolate licked and nibbled from her skin. Try to engage all of her senses. The overwhelming experience will not only help get her turned on, but can relax her muscles and initiate many different pleasure responses in her body that might not otherwise be active.

Talk it Out

These are of course only a few examples of the many different fantasies women might have about anal sex. If she isn’t quite sure what her fantasy might be, have her explore it. Perhaps the only images she has in her head about anal involve discomfort or pain. Perhaps she associates it with feeling ashamed, degraded or dirty. Don’t try to “convince” her that she wants to try something she doesn’t enjoy… but do explore the roots of her aversion.

As If

Ask her to simply try imagining anal sex as if she were enjoying it. It may not work at first. She may find it difficult, but with time many people can discover that their particular discomfort or reactive disgust stems from a specific emotional event or recurring experience from their past. For couples who have varied fetishes which they may not share, regular visualization can be a life saver for bringing kinky couples closer together! Working together to at least understand, if not adopt your lover’s sexual interests, can drastically increase not only your sexual activity, but your honesty and intimacy. You and your lover both deserve to have her deepest desires heard and understood.

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more juicy and saucy tips and secrets on how to properly enjoy anal play, check out my program on the subject, Anal Ecstasy.

”A man must have confidence in himself and his penis, to have anal sex with a woman. If he does not have this control, his penis will direct the action; he will move too quickly, hurt the once-willing woman, and rarely, rightly, will he be given a second chance”– Toni Bentley

For years it’s been viewed as one of the last sexual taboos. But ask a group of women if they’ve ever tried anal sex and I can guarantee a few vinos (and blushes) later, the confession will come.

Indeed, statistics show that anal sex- or fifth base, as it’s also known- among heterosexual couples is more popular than ever, with a Journal of Sexual Medicine study reporting that 40 per cent of women have done it at least once. And that’s because women are more sexually adventurous than they’ve ever been before. They’re looking for more intense stimulation- and anal sex certainly provides that.

Approached properly, anal sex can be intensely pleasurable. The naughtiness of a finger in the anus, another inside the vagina, and an expert tongue on her clitoris rates up there as one of life’s greatest pleasures.

So far, so adventurous. But it’s important to remember that sexual experimentation should be a two-way street, and agreed upon. Here’s a one hour program that will convince her good that anal sex definitely deserves a place in your sexual repertoire.

Start here!

8PM. While she’s watching TV, snatch the remote off her, turn off the set and when she asks you why you are interrupting her Desperate Housewives marathon, turn around, give her a come hither look and tell her you’ve prepared an indulging bubble bath for her. The sexy combination of hot water, steam and your magic hands massaging her all over with shower oils not only will make sure she’s clean, but it’s also an opportunity to get her relaxed.

8.01PM. It shouldn’t have taken her long to picture the erotic treat you have prepared for her. By now, she’s raced into the bathroom and is standing near the tub, overjoyed at the thought of what’s to come. Order her to remove her dress; in return, wriggle out your shirt and pants. Take your time to feast your eyes on her sexy hot body, which will arouse her even more.

8.03PM. Approach her slowly and start touching her underwear, taking your time before taking it off. If you can do it without your hands, all the better. Keep your underwear on- this way you’re sending her the message that, at least for now, her pleasure is the star of the show and you’ve put together this just to please her.

8.05PM. Keep her standing and start kissing from her hip right down the outside of leg, then repeat on the second one. Afterwards, kiss back up her inner leg, every so often using your tongue and sucking on her skin gently. When you make it her upper-inner thigh, linger for a while, giving lots of little kisses and gently breathing on her skin until you feel her start going crazy.

8.12PM. Take her in her arms and lie her down in the tub. As you take the moisturizer and the massage oils and start giving her an erotic massage. When you get to her down there area- concentrate around it for a while without actually touching it. The anticipation will make her heart go racing, speeding up the blood flow in her vaginal area even more.

8.19PM. When her panting grows heavier and heavier, and you know for sure she’s over head aroused, lean over and whisper in her ear that you’re thinking of trying something new this time. To help her get the message, slide your hand down her back, until you reach her buttocks. Linger there, while looking her straight in the eyes.

8.26PM. After you’re finished with the watery delight, soak the hot liquid off her body with a towel and take her to the bedroom. Once here, lie her down on the bed, with head on the pillow and her hands behind her head. Don’t let her move her hands from this spot. Whatever she wants to do to you in return- however much she wants to touch you- tell her this is all about her… for now. Start with a big, juicy french kiss, then kiss her all the way down to her stomach, then much lower, until you can finally concentrate on the clitoris.

8.33PM. While your devouring her magic button, using soft and not-so-soft moves, slide one hand down to her anus and star massaging it gently, using circling motions. Once her clitoris is all swollen and her labia are wet with excitement, turn her over, put a pillow under her belly so that her bum is slightly raised and start kissing her anus, slightly inserting the tip, for more erotic arousal.

8.36PM. By now, she should want you so badly that she’ll be the one wishing for things to speed up so that she can feel you inside her. Grant her wish and insert your penis in her vagina, and one finger (lubed up, so keep a battle of the magic potion near the bedstand) in her anus, pumping it up slowly at first, then faster, in the same rhythm as your penis. Soon enough she’ll be moving in tandem with you, to maximize her pleasure.

8.43PM. When you feel she’s just about to come, stop and lie next to her, not touching her, until you drive her completely wild. I give her 10 seconds max on this one!

8.44PM. You really don’t want to lose the moment, so put your condom on and be ready to go… the other way. Get her to stand in a doggy-style position and position yourself behind her, with the lube in one hand and the fingers of the other on her clitoris, to arouse her from both ways. Start by inserting just the tip of your penis, to see how she responds to it. Complete the insertion S.L.O.W.L.Y., centimeter by centimeter, until it’s all inside her anus.

8.51PM. Pick up the pace and start thrusting in and out, with faster movements. Now that she’s got the hang of it, try something a bit different in the position department. Pick something you don’t do too often- on the side of the bed, lying sideways, on the couch- and give those a go. They might not bring you right to the edge of your orgasm, but racing to the finish line isn’t always the best plan in this situation.

8.55PM. Now for the grand finale. Pick the position that you know suits her orgasm best and start thrusting in rhythmic movements. While working on your way to a double climax for her (you didn’t forget about the clitoris, I hope), talk to each other. Communication is key here. If you’re both aware of where the other person’s at, then the chance you’ll get there right at the same time is that much higher.

8.59. Oh, oh, oh! Okay, so you don’t have to be so precise, but right about now is when you should both be blowing a gasket. You’re welcome!

Have a sensual week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. You don’t have to fit all this in just one hour. If you’re feeling more generous, treat her to a couple of hours of such intense bliss! Check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.

A big sex myth floating around out in the sexual universe is that women do not like anal sex. Not true at all! They may say under their breath so no one hears them.  The problem that comes with anal sex is not the lack of desire on the part of the woman to do it. The problem seems to come more from fear that it will hurt, be embarrassing or that they still think of it as taboo. The flip side of the anal sex coin is that anal sex can be very erotic and pleasurable.

Maybe you are looking to push your sexual boundaries and try anal sex for the first time or maybe you tried it and it didn’t go as planned but like someone who likes sex the cowgirl position, you want to get right back up on that horse. It’s all good. Some people secretly crave anal sex play their whole lives and never tell their partner about their desires. Others venture into the unknown backdoor unprepared. Whatever the situation, here are some pearls of wisdom to get you started on going through the back door so you can get have a pleasurable booty call.

First: You want to have anal sex. You are curious about it. Admit it. Take the taboo out of it and give yourself permission to add it to your sexual to do list.  Some call anal sex the last sexual taboo but the fact is people have been engaging in anal sex play since sex was invented. I am not saying you have to broadcast this or any sexual behavior you engage in to the world but you have to be comfortable with your own sexual desires or you won’t be able to relax and enjoy them. There is nothing wrong with anal sex and many people find out there is a lot right about it.

Second: Understand the anus has a lot of nerve endings and that helps make anal stimulation very pleasurable. Like other sexual acts, it feels good. If it didn’t feel good people would pretty much stop doing it. However, unlike the vagina, the anus does not have natural lubrication. Lube and plenty of it is a crucial part of anal sex. You have to provide what nature doesn’t. So spend some time shopping for lubricant. Don’t be afraid to try more than one. Make sure it is NOT oil based because that will break down a condom very quickly. There are a lot of lubes that are made with anal sex in mind. Remember to use lube on both of you. The guy should put lube on his penis ALL the way up the shaft. The woman should have lube inside her anus as well as around the rim. Do not hesitate to stop and add more if you are experiencing discomfort.

Third: Use a condom. Unprotected anal sex is the riskiest sexual behavior for contracting HIV. If HIV is not a concern keep in mind the anus contains a lot of bacteria that are not good for the rest of the body. You don’t want it swimming up his urethra and you certainly don’t want it going from anus to vagina. Never go from anal sex or oral or vaginal sex without washing the penis well with soap and water.

Fourth: Start getting ready by using anal sex toys. Start with a small butt plug or vibe and play with that for a while then move up to the next size and so on. This will help your anus get used to something going in when it has always been for stuff going out. Be sure to use toys that have a flared end as things have been known to disappear and get lost up there as they are sucked in. Next time you talk to an ER doc, ask them what the most interesting thing they pulled out of someone’s rectum was and you will get a variety of interesting answers.

Now that you have the preliminaries under control you are ready for the main event. Try doggie style position or lay on your stomach with some pillows under your hips the first time. These positions make the rectum angle in a way that makes penetration easier. When you are all lubed up and ready for the big entrance go slow. He should go in a little bit and stop letting you get used to the feel of him inside you. When you are ready he should go in a little more and you should keep repeating this until he is all the way in. Then he should slowly start to move in and out. Be the guide and tell him when you are ready for it to go faster, slower, harder or gentler.

Breathe and relax. Tensing up will only make it more difficult. The more you relax the easier it will be and you soon find yourself preferring a back door entrance as a way to spice things up in the bedroom.

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more crucial information about anal play and the right way to experience pleasure through it, check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

“Anyone who is in love is making love the whole time, even when they’re not. When two bodies meet, it is just the cup overflowing. They can stay together for hours, even days. They begin the dance one day and finish it the next, or – such is the pleasure they experience – they may never finish it. No eleven minutes for them” – Paulo Coelho

When she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t want to. But what about when she does want to but can’t get off the starting blocks? Yes, I’m talking about anal sex and the stuff that is usually getting in the way of a woman’s libido and desire to try it. Read bellow, I’m decoding – and knocking down – some of the most common obstacles on your path to getting back to winning bedroom form – anal style.

“I’m not in the mood”

Sometimes all you need to get horny is one sideways glance from your partner. Not even that – a glimpse of half her boob will do it. And you probably assume that it’s as easy as 1-2-3 for her, too. It’s actually harder for women, because the sexual response cycle in long-term relationships works differently. Once the honeymoon phase is over, you get your normal level of desire back, which is often lower for women. The way you get turned on is different as well. Men’s cycles are desire-arousal-orgasm. Whereas women’s are arousal-response-desire-orgasm. Women start in a neutral position, and first need to feel some arousal before that longing kicks in. So you need to pull out some better tricks than just kissing her for four seconds if you want her to get there, especially since we’re talking about anal sex.

External pressures can kill the mood, too – no matter how much she’s trying to focus on the task at hand. Stress has a huge effect. People who are anxious can find it difficult to become aroused. Even anxiety about the way her body looks, or her own performance, can make the idea feel daunting. So how do you shift from stress to sex? Get that water boiling during the day. It’s not about foreplay for two seconds, then sex. Have her think about it from when you wake up. Text her sexy thoughts, plan a hot date, etc. Also, when you both get home, instead of getting right down to business, have a bath together or a good old make-out session to kick her desire into gear.

“I’m too tired”

After slaving away at work and then slaving over dinner when she gets home (unless you just happen to be Jamie Oliver), sometimes she can’t muster up the energy to have sex, even when she wants to, especially anal. Women wake up with a huge to-do list, and often sex either isn’t on that list or is at the bottom. By the time you get to it, she’s exhausted. I suggest some ways around this problem: create “intimate opportunities” when she has energy – like sex first thing in the morning. You can also try sending your partner some texts throughout the day, which will help get you both in the mood. When you do hit the sheets, a leisurely marathon can be better than a sprint, especially when she’s tired. Suggest a position or an activity that she really enjoys, so that she reaches a clitoral orgasm faster and gets that much needed endorphin release. Then you can go ahead with anal teasing and do what you have to do to get her completely worked up.

“I hate him right now”

Unlike in the movies, where couples who have fights follow them up with sessions of red-hot loving, in reality a tiff can be a ladyboner-kill. Resentment and anger are signs of a build-up of issues, and can lead to her putting a wall up and not letting you in. The key is communication – talking about and resolving your issues can clear the way for some baggage-free sexy times. It’s important for both you and your partner to realize that women need emotional intimacy in order to feel in the mood for physical intimacy. When new arguments pop up, try to deal with them early on so they don’t snowball into colossal fights. And then reward yourself with some “we avoided that fight” sex. You’ve earned it.

5 tips for winning track records

1. Plan it. Sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be amazing, especially the anal kind. If you prepare for it, you’ll also be in the mood for it.
2. Love yourselves. Be in touch with your own sexualities. You’re not going to want sex if you don’t feel good about yourselves.
3. Get closer. Go to bed at the same time. Have a shower together in the morning, snuggle on the couch – get intimate!
4. Put sex first. Start to see closeness with your partner as being your number one priority.
5. Foreplay all day. Flirt with your partner- chances are it will lead you both to the bedroom.

Have an extraordinary week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Read this article together with your partner. In many occasions women don’t even realize what’s keeping them from enjoying great sex. Check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.