Anal is sex is one of those things, everyone says that most women either love it or they hate it, but is that really true? Men who love anal sex want to believe that any woman can be convinced that they love anal sex as long as it’s done in the right way. What do you think? Have you tried it with your partner? Could she be convinced? If your partner still needs convincing or you just want to make sure that her first anal experience is amazing, you need to hear these 15 anal sex tips from real women who have had it and loved it!

1. Lots of foreplay, please! – “Lots of foreplay is a must for me when it comes to anal sex. I like to have an orgasm before he even tries to put it inside me. That way I’m already wet and my juices mix with the lube to create a lot of slippery fun.”

2. Help me relax – “The first time I ever had anal sex I was so nervous that I tensed up and it really hurt. My boyfriend took things really slowly and helped me relax and stay relaxed. Now even though I’ve had anal sex before, I still need to work on being relaxed since I sometimes worry about it hurting. My man is so understanding about that and always takes his time.”

3. Don’t get grossed out – “Hey buddy, YOU are the one who wanted to have anal, so don’t be surprised when things might get a little dirty and messy. It goes with the territory. I hate it when men are all about anal but expect it to be hospital sterile!”

4. Touch me down there first – “I like it when a guy starts by massaging my butthole with lube and inserting a finger. If he licks me down there while playing with my clit, it’s even better. It gets me ready for the big event.”

5. Good lube isn’t a suggestion, it’s essential – “Don’t be cheap or unprepared when it comes to lube. Don’t use hand lotion or spit or vaginal juices, you need LUBE. Really good lube that stays wet and slippery for a long time. Try a few out first before using it with anal.”

6. Another thing about lube – “Use tons of lube. The butt doesn’t get wet like the vagina does and you’re going to need some help getting inside without hurting her. Put lube on her butt and finger her with it to lube her up inside. Then put it all over your penis. Keep it on hand and use more when needed.”

7. Use a condom – “Using condoms is important, not only for safe sex reasons, but also because I personally don’t like having a bum full of cum (as much as you might like how that sounds!)”

8. You can’t double dip – “I can’t believe how many guys don’t know that you can’t go from butt to vagina. If you’re having sex or fingering or using a sex toy, you can’t take something that has been in her ass and then put it in her vagina! That’s how women can get an infection and you better believe she won’t be up for more anal after that. It’s a terrible rookie’s mistake.”

9. Let me be in control – “I don’t care how much you like to be in control in the bedroom, if you want me to feel comfortable having anal with you, I want to be the one in control, so I can relax and know that I’m in charge.”

10. Multitasking wins extra points – “During anal I need my husband to reach around and play with my clit. I cum within minutes when he does this. I love it!”

11. Double penetration – “It can be tricky to pull off, but if your partner is skilled enough I love having my partner penetrate my vagina with a finger or sex toy while we’re having anal. It’s a crazy mix of sensations.”

12. Take a nice deep breath – “Have your girlfriend/wife take some deep, relaxing breaths before you enter her and throughout if she’s feeling nervous or tense. This will help her relax and open up.”

13. Try different positions – “Not every woman is the same so be open to trying new positions even if one has worked well for an ex. If it’s hurting or uncomfortable, try something else.”

14. Go SO, SO, slow – “Guys, this isn’t a race and I know it feels amazing even if you go painfully slow, so please, GO PAINFULLY SLOW. Get the head in and give her a moment to get adjusted before slowly thrusting in and out ever so slightly. She’ll let you know when she’s ready for you to pick up the pace.”

15. Keep the lines of communication open – “If you’re not comfortable talking about sex, anal probably isn’t for you. You need to be able to ask her if she’s ok, if you need to do something differently or to even talk her through what you’re doing. If you’re too embarrassed, it’s not going to work!”

Kisses,
Fidan Paula

P.S. For more relevant tips on how to enjoy anal, check out my program Trigasms For Advanced Lovers.

Hey big boy,

There is one thing that you have been dying to do with your partner. You may have tried it before. Maybe you tried it a few times and it didn’t go very well. Maybe you didn’t get very far or she didn’t like it. Maybe you never even got to try. I’m talking about one of the most taboo types of sex out there: anal sex. Some women are curious, some are a little grossed out, and a lot of them are scared of it.

Why are women scared to try anal sex? There are three major reasons: 1st reason) They know anal sex hurts. What do women say when they talk about it? OUCH! Word gets around from woman to woman that anal sex isn’t pleasurable, it’s painful! 2nd reason) It’s wrong. A lot of people are embarrassed to talk about sex in general, but anal sex is a very taboo subject for most people. Even if a woman is curious, she might be too embarrassed to admit it, for fear of being judged (even by you!). 3rd reason) It’s dirty. Your partner might already be self conscious about certain parts of her body or sexuality, but when you add the anal sex element, something that is considered “dirty” by many, it can make a woman completely reject the idea.

If a lot of women believe these 3 reasons, how is anyone having anal sex at all? Are these 3 things really true? 1) Anal sex CAN be painful if it’s done wrong, but it doesn’t have to hurt. Knowing what you’re doing will seriously minimize the chances that anal sex will hurt. 2) You might not be able to convince your partner that anal sex is okay, but there are a lot of women who are interested in trying anal because the idea of doing something taboo in the bedroom is a big turn on for them. 3) There are ways to make anal sex more “clean.” You also have to be okay with it being a little dirty. If you go into expecting the obvious, then you won’t be grossed out or surprised if anal sex involves some like sexy elements.

So, how do you gain rear entry access? Follow these 8 steps to having anal sex tonight:

1. Talk about it – I know, I know… it’s awkward, but you can’t surprise your partner with anal sex. It’s something that you should really have discussed beforehand. You can also address any of the above concerns with your partner during this talk. Make sure your partner knows how much you love your current sex life, but that anal sex would just be another fun element to add to the mix. Be open and listen to her concerns. She needs to be on board and want to do this in order for her to relax enough to enjoy it.

2. Don’t do it under the influence – When trying something new in bed, some couples think it will help to have a drink or two to loosen up, but that is actually not a good idea. You want to be totally alert and sensitive to her needs and mood, so having a drink will actually dull your ability to be attentive to her. She might feel more open to it after a drink or two, but the next morning she might feel regretful and upset if she doesn’t choose to try anal with a totally clear head.

3. Get clean before getting dirty – Take a bath or a shower together before having anal sex. This is a great way to get each other in the mood, while also addressing the third concern above. Washing each other can be extremely erotic and an amazing form of foreplay. Bathing together can also be really relaxing, which is great because she will need to be relaxed in order to have a good experience.

4. Get the green light – Even if you have had the talk about anal and she’s up for trying it, make sure she has clearly given you permission before starting so there are no upsetting misunderstandings.

5. LUBE – A great quality lube is very important to having good anal sex. Use a lot. On your partner, on yourself, and don’t be afraid to reapply as often as needed. Try a great silicone based lube.

6. Relax – When a woman is nervous, her anus will clamp shut and this will make anal sex a lot harder and a lot more painful. Help her to relax in anyway you can. Let her know that she is in control and you will stop or slow down at any point if she tells you to.

7. Go VERY slowly – One great way to help her relax is to go VERY, VERY slowly. Start by playing with the area with your fingers. You can finger her very gently and shallowly with a lubed up finger. When you are finally ready to upgrade, go SLOWLY! I can’t stress this enough. You might even penetrate her a tiny bit and then stop completely and let her get used to the feeling. Have her breath and relax. You should feel her anus relax and open up around your penis if she has truly relaxed. Then you can slowly continue. Thrust very slowly and shallowly at first, until she gives you the green light to go deeper.

8. Reach around – Finally, don’t forget about her pleasure. This will be a very new sensation if she has never tried anal before. Reaching around and stimulating her clit at the same time will give her a powerful orgasm pretty quickly! And that will make her more likely to want to do it again.

Hot kisses,
Fidan Paula

P.S. To discover more advanced tips and techniques about anal sex CLICK HERE NOW!

Okay, you should all know by now that foreplay needs to be a part of sex… every. time.

You know that, right? Even with a quickie, there is always some kind of foreplay to get her in the mood, even if it’s brief. Well, when it comes to anal sex, foreplay is just as important, if not MORE important than with other forms of sex. If you’re lucky enough to be with a woman who is open to anal sex, you need to make sure that you don’t mess up and turn her off to it forever.

There are various factors that will go into your partner having a good anal sex experience, but one of the most important things you can do is warm her up for the big event. Here are 9 important anal foreplay tips to help you become a master:

1.  You need to make sure she is completely up for it. Trying to sneakily do anal with your partner isn’t going to win you and points. The best way to find out if your partner will green-light some butt love is by flat out asking her. This is the only sure way to know whether she wants to try it or not. If you’re too scared to bring it up, you can also try out some anal foreplay (touching, tapping, light fingering, etc.) and see how she reacts. But keep in mind, even if she doesn’t seem to mind this, it doesn’t mean you have her permission to try anal sex, it just means that she might be open to it.

2. If you want your partner to enjoy anal, you need to start out slow. Start by stimulating some other part of her genitals first and then moving to her anus. For example, try going down on her and then beginning to touch, tap, rub and very lightly and shallowly fingering her anus, as you go down on her. For many people who are just getting into anal play, stimulating that area in combination with another is a great way to win them over.

3. Always go shallow. All of the nerve endings that feel really good when stimulated are at the opening of the anus, so it’s not necessary to stick your finger (or your penis, when it comes time) in really far. You definitely want to ease her into it, so stick with just the tip and she’ll be sure to enjoy it.

4. It should never hurt. Make sure you are using lube and help your partner to relax by taking things really slow. If something hurts at all, back off right away and assess the situation. She might be tensing up because she’s nervous. Her knowing that you aren’t going to continue to do anything that hurts can help put her at ease.

5. Go nice and slow. Contrary to what you may have seen in porn flicks, good anal and anal foreplay should take things slow, the WHOLE time.

6. If you stay shallow and only stimulate the opening of the anus, it’s a lot cleaner than you probably think. The rectum usually doesn’t have much fecal matter in it. If you or your partner are worried or self conscious about this factor, try taking a shower together first.

7. Another good hygiene rule is to make sure you never put a finger that was in her butt inside her vagina. You also shouldn’t use it to stimulate her clitoris or vulva. That’s how a woman can get an infection. To be on the safe side, you can put hand sanitizer and baby wipes on your bedside table.

8. Start exploring that area with your mouth. Next time you’re going down on her, let your mouth wander a little further down south and include her anus in your oral play. If you’re cool with it, that can be the perfect, soft, slow introduction to anal foreplay. You can poke, tap and even penetrate her anus with the tip of your tongue. Play around and see what feels good for her.

9. Accept her reaction, no matter what it is. Some women really like anal play. Some think it’s okay, enjoy it, but partake in it mainly for their partner. But then there are others that really don’t like it. If your partner falls into the last category, you need to accept that and move on. Anal won’t be in your future. If you have followed my advice above, then you’ve done everything you can to make it feel good and she’s just one of those ladies who doesn’t like it.

Kisses,
Fidan Paula

P.S. To learn more about how to enjoy anal, check out my program and give her a TRIGASM.

For many couples, anal sex is the final frontier: a place that piques their curiosity but continues to perplex them and even make them apprehensive. Will anal sex hurt? Can a woman orgasm from it? Is it messy? Which positions work best? And, most importantly, how can I guarantee she won’t accidentally poop on my penis? All of those are valid questions! Here’s what you need to know before you start putting it in the butt.

How Can You Make Anal Sex More Comfortable?

One of the major reasons women fear anal sex is because many assume it is going to be a royal pain in the…well, ass, literally. The number one thing to keep in mind is that anal can be painful if you aren’t relaxed. So…relax! Lots of deep breathing and letting go of everything helps. It can become more painful when you thrust in and out, especially if you are well endowed, so tell her to remember to keep breathing. Also, obviously, going straight into penis-in-butt anal might hurt a little. I suggest working your way up to traditional penetration by using a very small vibrator, butt plug, or your finger (wear a rubber glove to be safe) to try out a few techniques. With a (gloved) finger, make stroking motions to gently cause goose bumps on her thighs and butt, then do similar, almost tickling motions stroking the anus. Slowly circle the anus with the finger, then apply lube to the finger and circle more, gradually working towards the center of the anus and gently pushing in. Assuming it feels good, continue gently pushing in until your finger is in the anus. Then experiment with gently and slowly pushing it in farther and pulling it almost out. While your finger is inside, ask her to try pushing out like she is going to have a bowel movement. This actually relaxes the anal sphincter muscles. While she is pushing out, move your finger in and out more (gently). Finally, ask her to tighten her sphincter around your finger and notice how much more tight it is. She should repeat this several times, especially if it feels good. You can now feel free to experiment with a larger finger, vibrator, or butt plug. And if you really want to relax her anus, stimulate her clitoris to orgasm while you gently move the plug or vibrator in and out of her anus. Surprise — her orgasm might even be more intense than usual because of the extra rear action.

Before you try anything, make sure you have lube and a condom on hand. I’ve heard women sometimes talk about how they decided to try it on the spur of the moment, but they didn’t have lubrication, a condom, or a partner who knew what they were doing — and they had a bad experience. Lube, in this situation, will be your best friend. (Make sure it’s water-based — an oil-based lube can make the condom break.)

Which Positions Work Best for Anal Sex?

Although doggy style is a favourite among many back-saddlers, I recommend that your partner sit on top of you with her back to your chest so that she can go at her own pace, particularly if she is worried about it being painful. Another favourite, and one that is more intimate than doggy, is the spooning position, where she lies on her stomach and you lie on top — kind of like a missionary position with the woman facing down.

OK, But What Are the Chances of Pooping During Anal?

While there’s always a chance of seeing poop, it is less likely than you may fear. There is actually little fecal matter in the lower rectum or anal area, so this is usually not an issue and isn’t as big of a deal as most people think. Some women use an enema before anal sex. This shouldn’t be done often, though, and it’s better to just use warm water. Frequent enemas can actually remove the protective mucus normally present and make the rectum more susceptible to injury or infection. 

Can Women Orgasm From Anal Sex?

Yes, yes, yes!

Just like with vaginal intercourse, women often get twice the pleasure and erupt into orgasm when clitoral stimulation couples anal intercourse. Love and trust cause orgasms, not penetration alone. Stimulating the anus, or the surface of the anus, can send a contraction all the way to the clitoris. While some women don’t like extremely deep penetration, it’s possible that for some, vigorous motions might stimulate other internal structures in the woman’s body that could be erotically stimulating — possibly the sacral, pelvic, hypogastric, or vagus nerve. Another factor could be that women who enjoy the sensation and find it erotically exciting may be mentally primed to achieve orgasm very easily.

Can Anal Sex Be Dangerous?

Butt sex gets a shady rep because it’s the riskiest sexual behaviour — this position makes it very easy to transmit STDs. Condoms are a must no matter how long you’ve been in a monogamous relationship, because there’s a risk of disease — bacteria in the anus can infect your urethra, causing problems for you and also potentially transferring bacteria to the vagina. And relaxation and taking it slow is important not just for your enjoyment, but because rushing increases the chances of an anal tear or fissure, which can happen because the mucus membranes inside the rectum are much thinner than the lining of the vagina and can easily tear. The same penetration that would not cause damage to the vagina can cause tears in the anus. If she happens to bleed during anal, immediately stop penetration and don’t attempt it again until she is fully healed, or you risk making an anal fissure worse.

In the meantime, be mindful of some smart musts: Never place a finger, penis, toy, etc., that has had anal contact into the woman’s vagina. If you stimulate her anus (penetrative or not), you should always wash your hands with antiseptic soap before you use the same hands (or any toys). You should also make sure your fingernails are short and don’t have any rough edges.

No matter what, keep an open line of communication with your partner, stop if you feel uncomfortable, and, by all means, keep going if you love it.

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more tips on how to enjoy anal, check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. You’ll find there all you need to know about the subject.

If backdoor things used to be a hard no for your partner, but now she’s ready to maybe start exploring that particular nether region (except that she’s not ready for a full-on penis going up there quite so soon), try easing into it with some almost-anal sex positions. Why? Because if your partner has never done it before, you’ll want to do everything in your power to make it a positive experience, so that the two of you can work back door into your usual carnal repertoire. And that means doing your homework to make sure you’ve done the necessary prep work, and knowing all of the best practices when it comes to putting something in another person’s butt. So gather your lubes, anal toys and techniques and follow my advice for a smooth sailing through her backdoor.

Tainted love

Your partner’s bum (and yours, for that matter) is rich in nerve endings, so for your first try at things, you don’t even need to go in — just hit the nearby real estate. But first, take whatever steps are necessary to put your partner at ease and get her in the mood. Muscle tension is not your friend in ass play, because it can add discomfort or pain if she doesn’t get past it and relax. So lie her on her back for a hot, steamy session of oral sex. When she is super turned on, gently press a vibrator to the area between her labia and her butt. Keep sucking and stroking, while experimenting with vibe patterns and pressure and watching how she reacts (99 percent chance that reaction will be: “Holy f*ck! I’m coming!”).

Bum’s rush

Phase two is fingers. If you’ve been skipping regular nail trimming lately, either skip phase two, or wear some lubed-up gloves (safety first, dudes). Lie on your sides facing each other like an X-rated yin and yang symbol, and toy with each other’s front-junk while you experiment with a (well-lubed!) finger or two up your partner’s bum when things start getting serious. But don’t rush things, you don’t want to “convince” your partner she was right in hesitating to do it when it suddenly hurts.

Butt bang

Make some initial exploratory journeys via toy. Not only do you not actually have to put fingers or mouth down there if you’re not feeling it, but a curved vibrating toy will work magic for relaxing very tight muscles. Find something super thin and, if it’s an issue for your partner, decidedly non-penis-looking. Lube the living hell out of it and do a reach-around to slide it on in. If you hit your woman’s G spot, she may get super, super wet. If you keep doing it while you’re inside her, she may also have a beyond-huge orgasm. Go for a trifecta with clitoris stimulation, the bum thing, plus internal stimulation — via toy or finger. Oh. My. God.

Park and ride

Get your partner into reverse cowgirl and when she feels ready, slowly insert a string of high quality beginner anal beads. The slow part is important — the idea is for your lady to get a feel of how much she can take and noticing whether she likes the feeling or not. You can insert and remove them as you go or leave them in, sliding them out right before orgasm to intensify her experience.

Get a pair of butt plugs and pop them in pre-vaginal intercourse. To make sure you don’t have butt plugs popping out mid-fuck and possibly putting someone’s eye out or something, have your partner lie facedown with her legs slightly spread. You lie flat on her back entering her from behind. Notch it up with vibrating plugs for insane reverb via magically vibrating penis/vagina.

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more crucial information about anal play and the right way to experience pleasure through it, check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

What is a Triple-Climax?

Well, lover, I’m glad you asked!

Have you ever heard of dual-orgasms, or combination orgasms?  These are orgasms that women can achieve by stimulating 2 erogenous zones at the same time, like the clitoris and G-spot.  These types of orgasms tend to be much more powerful, experienced full-bodied and can last longer, even turning into multiple or continuous orgasms.

A Triple-Climax is an orgasm that she can achieve while she is being stimulated in 3 erogenous zones: the clitoris, the G-spot, and the anus.

Yes, the anus has lots of nerve endings that when stimulated the right way can lead her to orgasm.  And, while anal sex is still somewhat taboo, many men and women are still very curious about it.

Using my Triple-Climax technique below is a great way to introduce her to anal pleasure if she has been unsure of it before, and to ease her into the sensation of being stimulated “down there”.

Obviously, get her permission first when you try this technique out on her, but let her know the anal stimulation doesn’t need to involve penetration unless she wants it to.

Okay, shall we begin?

Warm Her Up

Always begin by warming your lover up with lots of foreplay.  I stress this in all my articles and programs because most women take a while to get aroused and she will not feel pleasure until she is relaxed and aroused.  Read some of my foreplay articles for ideas, or just do what she likes best.

Clitoral Love

The clitoris is always a good place to go to after foreplay, as it is her biggest erogenous zone (after her brain that is), and the spot that will get her the hottest quickly.

You can start with teasing her with your tongue and lips, giving her hot oral sex.  Many women love the feeling of a warm, wet tongue circling her clitoris or flicking it from side to side, driving her wild.  Use lots of saliva or water-based lubricant, the slipperier the better.

G-spot Lust

Once she is clearly aroused, but not ready for orgasm yet, insert your well-lubed finger into her vagina and begin to stimulate her G-spot while continuing to give her oral love.  By now it should be puffing out a bit and making itself known.  You will feel it at the top side of her vagina, a wrinkled prune-like balloon of puffy flesh that is filling with ejaculation.

Rub her G-spot with firm strokes up and down the length of it, and/or circular motions.  She may even like it if you press firmly into the G-spot as if you were trying to milk the liquid from it.

By now she should be getting close to orgasm, so back off a bit so you don’t put her over the edge.  You want to keep her at about a level 8 on an arousal scale between 1-10.

Anal Desire

While she is losing herself to the amazing sensations you are giving her, use your other hand to position your thumb or finger over her anal opening (rosebud of desire).  Make sure the finger is super lubed up and just apply gentle pressure as you rub it in small circles.  You may also want to wear a glove to protect her from scratching or bacteria.

There is no need to penetrate her anus at this point.  The idea is just to warm that erogenous area up to receiving pleasure.

As she relaxes there and becomes more turned on and orgasmic, he anus may open to allow you to enter.  Do NOT force entry, just allow her anus to suck your finger in however much that is.  It may be just the tip of your finger to begin with, or a bit more.  Allow her body to open to you and show you how much she wants.

At this point you can try moving your fingertip inside of her, just rubbing the inner wall of her anus, or slowly, gently pushing in and out with small movements.  Don’t remove your fingertip from her anus fully (unless she wants you too), just move it slightly back and forth, and if she accepts more great.  If not, just the finger tip will do.

Triple-Climax Explosion

She should be on the brink of orgasm now and you can allow her to go over the edge into oblivion.  Believe me, she will feel like her mind is blow, as her triple-climax erupts through her clitoris, exploding into her G-spot and rippling and contracting into her anus like multiple fireworks of extreme pleasure.  He whole body will be aflame as she writhes with orgasmic ecstasy.  She may even experience female ejaculation and just let go altogether, as she opens into the most orgasmic bliss she has ever felt in her life!

So, that’s the how-to lover boy.  Are you ready to rock her world tonight?

To learn more about other amazing anal sex techniques that will turn her into a puddle of orgasmic jelly, check out my sex-ed video program called “Anal Ecstacy”.

Anal play is the one sexual subject that’s guaranteed to put the ‘oooh’ into ‘taboo’. Sometimes fear of rejection, judgement or a negative reaction means the subject of anal foreplay or anal sex is never broached. But good sex is all about communication, and talking as openly as you can about fantasies and boundaries can bring you closer together. After all, you may discover shared fantasies and turn-ons you never knew about. Also, though it is often stigmatised, anal sex is a perfectly natural way to engage in sexual activity. People have been having anal sex since the dawn of humanity. Seriously, it’s been documented back to the ancient Greeks and then some. So if you’re a little worried your lady might not want to try it or might have trouble understanding the appeal, just assure her that it isn’t weird or gross, on the contrary.

WHY YOU SHOULD GIVE ANAL A GO?

The entrance to the anus is packed with nerve endings, so it’s highly sensitive for anyone, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t explore if you’re intrigued. That being said, anal, like all sex acts for that matter, is not enjoyed by everyone, and that’s totally OK. You and your partner should do what you feel comfortable with and what feels pleasurable for the both of you. There is no wrong way to experience sexuality, and no way is better than any other.

WHAT SHOULD YOU SAY FIRST IF YOU WANT TO TRY ANAL?

It’s quite likely that you’ve talked around the subject slightly, and you have a vague idea about what your partner is into — whether he’s a whips-and-chains kinda gal, or a pretty vanilla lady. If she’s been sheepish when it comes to booty time, then you’re going to have to handle this one carefully. Perhaps a good way to start is by removing the closeness to the subject and say something like, “I saw this article last week about all the benefits of anal sex. To be honest, I was quite surprised about what I found out!” This is a way to open up the conversation and get a sense of whether she could be in to it (or not) in a kinder way — rather than straight up asking “Hey girl, I’m keen to give anal a go. You in?” Another conversation-opener is to start talking about what you want to do in bed together. This could be a factual chat or a bit dirty talk-esque in bed or over text. Start slowly and mention things you want to try — like, “I want us to massage each other”, or “I want to put a blindfold on you”. Then, if you think she’s ready for the booty bombshell, then drop it.

WHAT ANAL SEX TOYS SHOULD YOU BUY FOR YOUR FIRST TIME?

Be sure to talk about buying anal sex toys together, so there is no pressure on either partner. Remember to be honest, say why you’re interested and listen to what your partner has to say too. Keep the conversation light and jovial, so no one will feel offended if there is any rejection, or if your partner is spooked by something you’ve picked out. If you take your partner by surprise, they may run for the hills. So please don’t whip out a 10-inch long anal bead, as though anal sex is a common fantasy. It’s actually not shared by all, so diving in deep with a hectic array of possibly frightening toys may ruin your chances of ever getting any booty love. What you can do, once you’ve got the all-clear from your partner, is buy a nice starter pack, or some individual anal play toys to get you going. Obviously, it’s a good idea to start small, so go with ‘beginners’ category toys first.

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more juicy and saucy tips and secrets on how to properly enjoy anal play, check out my program on the subject, Anal Ecstasy.

If backdoor things used to be a hard no for your partner, but now she’s ready to maybe start exploring that particular nether region (except that she’s not ready for a full-on penis going up there quite so soon), try easing into it with some almost-anal sex positions. Why? Because if your partner has never done it before, you’ll want to do everything in your power to make it a positive experience, so that the two of you can work back door into your usual carnal repertoire. And that means doing your homework to make sure you’ve done the necessary prep work, and knowing all of the best practices when it comes to putting something in another person’s butt. So gather your lubes, anal toys and techniques and follow my advice for a smooth sailing through her backdoor.

Tainted love

Your partner’s bum (and yours, for that matter) is rich in nerve endings, so for your first try at things, you don’t even need to go in — just hit the nearby real estate. But first, take whatever steps are necessary to put your partner at ease and get her in the mood. Muscle tension is not your friend in ass play, because it can add discomfort or pain if she doesn’t get past it and relax. So lie her on her back for a hot, steamy session of oral sex. When she is super turned on, gently press a vibrator to the area between her labia and her butt. Keep sucking and stroking, while experimenting with vibe patterns and pressure and watching how she reacts (99 percent chance that reaction will be: “Holy f*ck! I’m coming!”).

Bum’s rush

Phase two is fingers. If you’ve been skipping regular nail trimming lately, either skip phase two, or wear some lubed-up gloves (safety first, dudes). Lie on your sides facing each other like an X-rated yin and yang symbol, and toy with each other’s front-junk while you experiment with a (well-lubed!) finger or two up your partner’s bum when things start getting serious. But don’t rush things, you don’t want to “convince” your partner she was right in hesitating to do it when it suddenly hurts.

Butt bang

Make some initial exploratory journeys via toy. Not only do you not actually have to put fingers or mouth down there if you’re not feeling it, but a curved vibrating toy will work magic for relaxing very tight muscles. Find something super thin and, if it’s an issue for your partner, decidedly non-penis-looking. Lube the living hell out of it and do a reach-around to slide it on in. If you hit your woman’s G spot, she may get super, super wet. If you keep doing it while you’re inside her, she may also have a beyond-huge orgasm. Go for a trifecta with clitoris stimulation, the bum thing, plus internal stimulation — via toy or finger. Oh. My. God.

Park and ride

Get your partner into reverse cowgirl and when she feels ready, slowly insert a string of high quality beginner anal beads. The slow part is important — the idea is for your lady to get a feel of how much she can take and noticing whether she likes the feeling or not. You can insert and remove them as you go or leave them in, sliding them out right before orgasm to intensify her experience.

Get a pair of butt plugs and pop them in pre-vaginal intercourse. To make sure you don’t have butt plugs popping out mid-fuck and possibly putting someone’s eye out or something, have your partner lie facedown with her legs slightly spread. You lie flat on her back entering her from behind. Notch it up with vibrating plugs for insane reverb via magically vibrating penis/vagina.

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. To learn how to also practice my favorite pose EVER, try out Reverse Cowgirl Domination.