“If everything was coated with a seal of approval, some of the fun would go out of it. Let’s get away with something. Degrade me baby.”– Sally Tisdale

Anal sex is a handful. There are people defending it and people denying it with all their might. Some say it’s sinful; some praise its lust power and intensity. The contradictions usually come from all the myths that surround this erotic technique.

If you’re interested into trying some anal action to spice up your love life, you must make sure that you’re fully capable of discerning what’s true and what’s not. Let me help you with this particular activity.

The most widespread myths about anal sex are the following:

Myth #2: It’s painful

Not if you use proper technique. In fact, when stimulated, this area can be quite pleasurable. The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex reminds us that:  „The anus is rich in nerve endings and participates with our genitals in the engorgement, muscular tension and contractions of sexual arousal and orgasm.” However, if you rush things up or you’re too aggressive, it will hurt, but this happens with any kind of sex, not just anal. It’s critical that you take your time, go very slowly and carefully and use plenty of lube. And yes, saliva just doesn’t cut it in this particular case. Pay attention to her body and the way it responds to your moves and if there is any discomfort, stop immediately. If you don’t, it can make the anus tenser the next time you try it. The body also has a memory of its own, you know.

Myth #3: It’s dangerous for your health

If you don’t use a condom or the right type of lube, you can end up with serious health problems. Anal intercourse is the easiest way to transmit HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Using a condom decreases the risk. It also keeps you away from getting a urinary tract infection, which could happen if her anus is not as clean as it should be. Don’t think that it’s enough to wash your penis after anal sex to be safe from diseases. Sex researchers Masters and Johnson report that „bacteria can scoop inside the urethra, thus escaping the cleansing action of soap and water.” You should also pay attention at the type of condom you choose. Avoid those with nonoxynol-9 or other spermicides, which may irritate the delicate tissue in the anus or rectum. Flavored, scented and warming lubes are also a no-go, since it’s been proven that they can cause irritation. Do your homework correctly and you have nothing to fear as far as health is concerned.

Myth #4: It causes incontinence

Anal incontinence is caused either by severe damage to the muscles and nerves of the anus or by the brain’s failure to control the body. It has nothing to do with anal sex, as long as it’s done by the book. If you’re so rough and tough that it results in repeated injury to the internal anal sphincter, then yes, you can make your girlfriend or wife incontinent, but if you’re reading this book, it means you want to do it right, so that not only both of you feel pleasure, but you’re also safe from unnecessary injuring.

Myth #5: It’s unnatural

“The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform”, said Alfred Kinsey. And right he is. Frankly, anal sex has been around for centuries and no, it wasn’t just something the Greeks did. This century does not have a monopoly on imagination and experimenting with one’s body and people from other cultures and other times had discovered long ago that anal sex is neither weird, nor wrong. The bottom line is that it’s your body and your decision. If you think anal sex is unnatural, then don’t do it.

Myth #6: It’s a gay thing

The majority of people think that anal sex only happens in porn movies and in the gay community. There are so many jokes about homosexuals and anal sex that of course the myth started to seem real to a bunch of people. But this is not true. There is no link between anal stimulation and homosexuality. Across the centuries men and women have enjoyed anal sex free of misconceptions and independently of their sexual orientation. Not to mention that many homosexuals simply refuse to have anal sex because they just don’t like it. In Anal Pleasure and Health, Jack Morin revealed that less than 30% of homosexuals have regular anal sex, fellatio being a much more common practice.

Myth #7: Women don’t enjoy it

You know how they say that bad news travels fast? That’s the situation we’re dealing with right here: we only hear the awful stories of women being forced to it by pushy boyfriends, but we never hear about those savvy girls that enjoy it really much and practice it regularly. Sex advice columnist Susan Crain Bakos says: “Anal sex is seen as the ultimate male sexual fantasy. We, as a culture, don’t understand how much women can like it too.” And she’s right. Our culture says that “good girls don’t do that” when, in fact, they do. And a lot, if I’m permitted to add.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Give this list of myths to your girlfriend or wife; she might deny you the pleasure of trying this because her judgment on the matter is clouded. Check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.

“Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.”– Barbara Cartland

Women don’t want to hear about it, that’s what most men are accustomed to believe. The problem with this phrase is that it’s only half true. They do deny themselves the opportunity to enjoy anal sex, but they would if they were certain that it was going to be great.

That’s where you come in. If you want your girlfriend or wife to say yes to anal sex, there are a few things that you should learn to do the right way. I’m here to help you do just that. Here’s what you’ve been doing wrong all this time and how and what to change from now on.

1. You think you don’t need to learn what exactly you should be doing.

As Jerry Seinfeld wisely puts it, “there’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” Well, when it comes to anal sex, you don’t just rely on your instincts, on what nature taught you unknowingly. You need to come prepared, with your lessons learned, if you want it to be an awesome experience for both of you, the first time and many times that will follow. Anal is not just sticking your penis inside her bootie and shaking it all around. You should be aware of her anatomy, how her body works, what you can do to stimulate her at the right time, etc. If you don’t enter the situation sufficiently informed, you are not going to rock her world, but convince her that “no” was the right answer after all.

2. Your manual is porn

Another thing that confuses you and stops you from performing at your full potential is the misinterpretation given by the porn industry. Anal sex is not as easy to master and straightforward as you see it in your XXX collection. Those movies never show you that you need a lot of time to warm her up properly, the guy never uses lube and he’s hard hitting right from the start, while the girl screams with pleasure. Professional porn actresses are either stretched out or they are using a numbing cream or gel to dull the pain. Another possibility: they start filming after having injected tons of lube inside her bootie and after she’s been aroused to some extent, so that the act seems real and doable. Don’t believe those that are trying to convince you that it’s not a big deal, because, in fact, it is.

3. You don’t talk to her beforehand

Women are scared. Yes. They get cold sweats and shivers when they think about it and the only thing that would mend this is just a few words of encouragement from your part. Not the “you’ll see you’ll like it” whispered by surprise, when you’re in bed, not that one. That doesn’t count as the talk. Approach the subject in a non-sexual environment, and make sure you give her all the support, promise of protection and patience she needs. Take your time and assure her that it will be ok, it will feel good and it won’t hurt. Talk it over. Find out exactly what makes her hesitant to try it and then see what you can do to belie her fears. Communication is a big deal for women; you ought to know that by now.

4. You don’t stimulate her enough

It is important that she is very turned on before you even go near her derriere. When she’s really heated up, her body is much more open to you than if she is only mildly turned on. She needs to be aching for you to touch her there. Otherwise, instead of giving you the moans and groans and „keep doing it” look, she’ll just respond with a tense grimace. Rub her body all over with lube, get her relaxed with kisses and caresses, maybe a good dose of cunnilingus.

It’s also important to create a non-intimidating, sexy atmosphere. Lower the lights, put some good music, massage her, everything you know she needs in order to loosen up both physically and mentally. Anal sex is not suited for a quickie. Anticipation is one of the greatest sexual tools you have — use it to your advantage.

5. Once you’re there, you lose your focus

Once the hardest part is over and you find yourself inside her, you need to continue to be highly aware of every move you make, since being too rough can cause her considerable pain. You cannot thrust into her anus as hard as you would into her vagina. Take it easy and pay attention to how it is making her feel. If she tells you to stop, then stop. If she tells you to get out, then get out. If you get selfish and focus on your pleasure over her potential pain, this will probably be the last time you’ll have anal sex with her.

6. You don’t let her set the pace

A big part of the fear that women feel when it comes to anal sex is that they are helpless in this game of power play. If you want her to agree to it and also love the experience, let the action happen on her own grounds. Let her hold your penis and guide it slowly inside of her anus. Even if it takes her half an hour to insert an inch, let her do it. If you surprise her with a sudden movement, the thought of having lost the control will make her even more scared. Just talk to her while she’s doing the job, seduce her mind and she’ll really let loose.

7. You neglect her other lady parts

The sensation of touching the anus or rectum alone may feel uncomfortable for your girl, but couple it with penetration or oral sex, and suddenly it’ll feel much better. If you keep her mind busy with an awesome clitoral orgasm, she won’t mind the back action that much. For example, while you’re fingering her anus, kiss her really deep on the mouth, so that she feels you’re still connected.

Have a deliciously sensual week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Complete this list with your girlfriend or wife and see what other things she’d like you to do differently. It’s a great communication exercise! Check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun”– Katharine Hepburn

As much as I love Katharine Hepburn and as much as I agree with her beliefs in general, I think that in this particular matter, obeying the rules is of utmost importance. Anal sex is good sex only if you do it right, and you’re doing it right only by listening to your body and obeying the rules. Otherwise you’re walking in a minefield of possible complications, both health and mind wise.

I’ve put together a list of ten things that you should ALWAYS take into consideration if you’re planning on engaging in anal sex.  Respect them and you’ll have the time of your life!

1. Never do it while she’s pregnant. Dr. Ruth Westheimer, sex therapist, media personality and author, points out that some men think that having vaginal intercourse during pregnancy will somehow hurt the baby, so they suggest anal intercourse instead, which is not true. Anal sex can be very dangerous during pregnancy, especially because of the risk of spreading bacteria from the anus and rectum to the vagina. Vaginal infections during pregnancy can be both harder to treat and more serious. Moreover, it is more difficult to get in a comfortable position for anal stimulation while pregnant, which makes it least desired by women. Also, hemorrhoids are a common side effect of pregnancy and could make anal sex excruciatingly painful for her. (16)

2. Don’t do her by surprise. Word of advice: girls are not amused when boys slip their penises in the wrong hole “by mistake”. It doesn’t matter how turned on she is, she will feel the difference, and she won’t be very happy about it. The only way you’re getting in there is if she’s ready for it. And you’ve talked about it beforehand. And she’s agreed to give it a try. There are no other options. Everything else is forced-sexual encounter, and you don’t want her to think that about you, do you?

3. Never skip foreplay. Even if she’s the type that likes it rough, it’s different when it comes to anal intercourse. She might like when you surprise her with sudden trysts, without any clitoral stimulation beforehand, but she might not like it when you do the same, but in her derriere. Start slow and move step by step. The anal tightness takes time to ‘break’ into a state of relaxation, and until that happens, any attempt at thrusting is meant to cause pain of the worst kind.

4. Don’t push it too soon. One of Murphy’s famous laws on sex goes something like this: “Anal sex is like snow. You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.” Always keep in mind that there is no sure thing when it comes to anal sex. She might not want to go through with it tonight, and that means you should always be prepared to back off whenever she asks you to. If you’re too insistent too soon, you might scare her for good.

5. Don’t go too hard. Camille Paglia, feminist author, teacher and social critic said at one point: “You have to accept the fact that part of the sizzle of anal sex comes from the danger of it. You can be overpowered.” (17) Though you can get over excited while you’re doing it, keep a lucid mind and think about the consequences that your roughness can produce. Keep your enthusiasm in your heart, not in your moves, otherwise you can end up hurting her.

6. Don’t forget about breathing. Deep inhaling and exhaling is very important during anal sex. Ask your partner to take relaxing breaths so that the anus doesn’t tighten up too soon. After you have inserted your finger or penis inside the anus, get her to exhale deeply so that the muscles relax. Yoga lessons can help her control her breathing, so it wouldn’t hurt if she took some.

7. There is no such thing as too much lube. People who like anal sex use to say that “too much lube is almost enough.” This is true. Don’t worry about the mess. As long as you’re using the right type (condom compatible), you have nothing to fear about. Lube her whole body if you want, from head to toe, whatever makes you two feel comfortable enough so that the experience is pleasurable.

8. Don’t use numbing cream. Never use lubricants that contain numbing ingredients under the mistaken impression that it’s a good thing not to feel sore. Pain is a sign that your body should desist from what it is doing and this is not something you should ever overlook. She could get hurt really bad without either of you realizing it. Also, you could get hurt just as well. Accept the fact that it is possible that it hurts in the beginning and move through to the pleasurable phase. That is the natural way of doing it and it saves you both from unneeded complications.

9. Use protection. Even if you’re a solid couple and you trust each other, you should never do it without a condom. There a number of diseases that you can get and it’s not worth the trouble. However, if you’re dead set on not using, for whatever reason you may invoke, The American Medical Women’s Associations recommends that before safer sex protections are discontinued, both you and your partner be tested for HIV. (18)

10. Don’t switch holes without switching hats. There’s a reason women swipe their lady parts from the front to the back. The germs that exist in the fecal remains cause serious infections both to the vagina and to the urinary tract. Either you switch condoms or you put on double hats and when the backdoor job is complete, you can take one off and continue to vaginal intercourse.

Have a sweet & hot week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. If she insists on using a numbing cream, don’t give in! If she’s too afraid to try it… au naturel, she’s not ready yet. Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

“There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.”– Billy Joel

In order for anal sex to be a pleasurable and sensational experience, you need to take care of a set of extensive preparations beforehand. You don’t want any setbacks to interrupt you from achieving that, do you?

Well trimmed and clean nails

A not so perfect manicure is a no-go when it comes to any kind of sex, not just anal. With anal though, given the fact that the tissue of the anus and anal canal is much more delicate than that of the vagina, taking care of your nails before… getting down to business is a very crucial factor. Chipped, dirty nails may tear the skin and cause unwanted infections.

If you are planning to wear latex gloves, don’t think that this way you can save the money spent on a decent manicure. If your nails are too long or too irregular or pointy, they can tear through the latex, and even if they don’t, your girlfriend or wife might still feel them, which can cause tremendous discomfort. Make sure you cut them really short and even, so that they are smooth and don’t get stuck through layers of skin when you’re exploring.

Shaved butt and empty bowels

As well versed as she might be when it comes to her pubic hair, given the fact that the anus is not in plain sight most of the time, she might not come prepared at this aspect. If you don’t mind the hairs surrounding her anus, then it’s absolutely no problem, but if you are planning on some oral action as well, you might want her to come forth with a shaved butt.

In my Hot Licks program, where I talk about how the master the fine art of cunnilingus, there’s a chapter exactly about that, about how to convince her to shave her private parts, but also tricks about  how to do it yourself, if she lets you.

In this case, it will be more effective if you’re the one holding the razor, given the fact that she can’t really see her back parts, and can end up hurting herself. As long as you have the right tools- a good shaving cream (a non-irritating one would be perfect), a sharp razor and willingness and attention, the whole experience is not bound to last more than a few minutes and it’s a good first step that can be turned into anal foreplay.

However, if things don’t go as perfect as planned and she ends up with a few minor bruises, as superficial as they might be, don’t have anal sex right away; there’s a good chance you’ll enhance her irritation.

As far as cleanliness inside her butt is concerned, as always, this matters more to some people than others. There are a few basic rules that shouldn’t be looked upon superficially though. The first one, she should have a bowel movement an hour or so before you two have anal sex, to ensure that nothing is encountered during any penetration, and then thoroughly bathe the area.

Enemas are also an option, especially if she’s self conscious about the possible waste that may not go away by simply washing the area with water and soap. This is especially worth considering in the case of actual penis penetration, since one gets a lot deeper than even the most diligent bathing process is going to be able to clean.

Also, if she has a poor diet, recurring constipation, diarrhea or other intestinal problems, the fecal matter that is bound to remain on the anal canal would be in a larger quantity, and an enema would solve that faster and with much more efficiency.

Prober lubricants and condoms

It’s only in porn films that saliva and free-flowing love juices provide enough lubrication to fully enjoy anal sex. Non lubricated penetration causes friction of the worst kind and can tear the sensitive tissue of the anus or the anal canal. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce a natural lubricant, only a sort of mucus, but that is definitely not enough.

Types of lubricants

Water based. This type comes in two forms: liquid-like (just like plain water, odorless, tasteless, non-staining and non-irritating) and jelly-like (it preserves the same properties as the first one, the only difference is that this one has a thicker consistency, like hair gel for example). The first one is probably the most popular, though some people complain that it wears off too easily and you have to reapply it ever so often. My advice? Try them both and see which works best in your case.

Oil based. The good thing about these ones: they don’t dry off like their water counterparts. The bad thing: they break down latex and pretty much ruin your protection. Moreover, they don’t wash off as easily as the water based ones and can lead to serious infections.

Silicone based. This is the best option for you because it lasts a long time, stays where you put it, and doesn’t evaporate- unlike water based lube- and it’s latex compatible- unlike oil based lube.

As far as condoms are concerned, there are a few things that it’s imperative you know before having anal sex.

First of all, have more than one at hand. If you’re going to be participating in different kinds of sex during your lovemaking session, you’ll need to change condoms every time you switch from vaginal to anal sex. Otherwise your girlfriend or wife can get a vaginal infection.

Second of all, only use plain, simple traditional latex. The textured, ribbed or flavored ones can hurt the soft tissue of the anus, or cause infections to the anal canal. Because of the lack of natural lubrication, this area is much more prone to infections of any kind and every type of rules disobeying can lead to serious damage.

Third of all, use it all the time! Condoms aren’t only for preventing pregnancy, but also for keeping you away from STDs, especially HIV (read more about this in the sixth chapter, dedicated to health matters).

Forth of all, latex doesn’t only mean condoms. You should also use dental dams, finger cots and latex gloves in order to be fully safe from infections.

Fifth of all, female condoms are also a good option. A larger version of the male condom, the female condom is a tube of polyurethane closed at one end and open at the other. If your girlfriend or wife is ok with it (some women don’t like the feeling of it), it’s a perfectly viable option when it comes to anal intercourse. In fact, it offers more protection because it lines perfectly the anal cavity, covering the penis and the outer area of the anus.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Make sure your condoms are new and of good quality. If they tear up and get stuck in her anus, you might need to take a trip to the ER. Check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.

“I think you’re running into a lot of trouble if your idea of foreplay is, ‘Brace yourself honey, here I come!”– Phil McGraw

A great way to prove your love for her back parts is to stimulate her with a good, sexy massage. The gluteus maximus, the main butt muscle that gives each buttock its round shape, is one of the biggest, chunkiest muscles of the body, meaning it loves being massaged.

Because there’s usually quite a bit of fat covering the muscle, you can be rougher in your massaging technique. Here’s what you have to do to really put her in the mood:

-Relax before you start in order to make sure that your hands are up for the effort (you wouldn’t want to stop after two minutes, leaving her eager for more).

-Lie her on her stomach, her legs slightly parted.

-Slide your hands to her buttocks with soft caresses, using any relaxation or toning oil you have at hand.

Aromatherapy is a powerful tool for stimulating arousal in both men and women, so you might want to choose the fragrance of your oil carefully. Here’s a list of the most basic oils, each with its respective beneficial properties.

a) orange blossom- it has a sedative and relaxation power. It transports one to a dreamlike state. Perfect if she’s the romantic type and you want to show her that anal pleasure can be romantic also.

b) cinnamon- perfect if she usually lacks sexual desire, is moody and hard to satisfy. The smell of cinnamon will enhance her senses and he’ll be more open to experimenting.

c) mint- tonic and stimulant, it will wake not only her body, but also her mind. If she just got back from work and she’s tired, use some mint oil to get her whole body going your way.

d) lemon- energy inducing! It also reduces inflammation of the erogenous zones.

e) patchouli- it is perfect to calm excessive anxiety, so it should be on your top list of choices. Fill the whole room with patchouli smelling candles and she’ll feel more ok with the idea, though she won’t really know what changed her mind.

f) rose- a tonic for the heart, stomach, liver, and uterus, it regulates the functioning of the female sexual organs. I’m sure she must have something which contains roses perfume in her beauty cupboard. Massage her with her favorite lotion before going down to business.

– Alternate between three types of manipulation:

a) Rubbing. Place your hands flat on your girl’s back, with your fingers relaxed, and apply pressure. Make small circular movements with your thumbs or the pads of your fingers, travelling up the inside edges of her cheeks and back down the outsides. This has a relaxing effect, which is felt at the nerves located under the skin.

b) Kneading. Kneading consists of energetic motions that imitate the kneading of dough, and is particularly helpful for releasing accumulated tension. To do it well, you must press the skin between your thumb and your fingers and sink the thumb into the muscle mass. With your fingers, push the muscle toward you again. Move your hands, alternating between one and the other, pressing, pushing, and lifting the skin.

c) Friction. Friction consists of pressing rather small, specific areas, which induces a very pleasant, restful sensation. It is important to push the tip of the thumb downward and perform short rotational motions to achieve a deeper penetration. Friction has an analgesic effect and stimulates blood flow.

– To keep things more interesting, try this exercise also: holding as much of each buttock in your hand as you can, move her cheeks in circles, spreading them and letting them get back together again.

– Your hands must work like energy radars, alert to the sensations of pleasure expressed by her at each movement. When she shows signs of fulfillment, it is important to keep focusing on that respective move or part of skin.

Have a delicious week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. If she’s one of those girls that like to spice things up with a little roughness during intercourse, approach her with pats or slaps on the bum. Check out my program on the subject, Anal Ecstasy.

“Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time”– Author Unknown

Analingus is the tongue and mouth stimulation of the anus, a.k.a. “rimming” or “tossed salad”, or “feuille de rose”, which 36 percent of men and 39 percent of women are into. The sensation of a wet, warm tongue around the sensitive skin that surrounds the anus can be extremely arousing and I always advise couples to use it as a means of foreplay before engaging into penetrative anal play.

Because the anus has so many nerve endings, if the tongue is put to good use, analingus can be almost as enjoyable as oral sex. It can either give your girlfriend or wife an orgasm, or tip her right over the edge into one.

Also, it’s fairly simple. You don’t have to worry about accidentally hurting anyone because the tongue is your closest ally and most trustworthy tool of providing pleasure.

In order for analingus to truly become arousing for her, you need to take it slow and work your way up to it — as with any type of sex, it is often best to start out gradually, even leaving out erogenous zones completely, at least in the beginning. Remember how you used to fool around for hours before sex? It was pretty exciting, wasn’t it? Well, it’s the same here. Start by getting her turned on the in the old fashioned way, with deep kisses, long and soft caresses and other tricks that I’m sure you’ve got up your sleeve.

Even after you’ve gotten to the erogenous zones, you might consider performing cunnilingus/fellatio on them first. Simply work your way downward from there toward her anus. Slowly. Gradually.

Hygiene is also very important here, so she might need to begin with a shower or a bath. However, even if she scrubs the area clean, when performing analingus, make sure that you use a barrier method, like a dental dam, a condom that has been cut open, or a piece of plastic wrap over her rectum to decrease your chances of contracting an STD or any other type of infection. By not using a barrier, you are placing yourself at a greater risk for acquiring hepatitis B or E-coli infections (more about his in the final section of the book, dedicated to health matters).

How to

Step1. Lie her on her back with a pillow under the buttocks and knees bent. Position yourself between her legs and gently spread her buttocks open.

Step2. Begin with kissing the buttocks and slowly move to the anus. Plant kisses, both dry and wet, on the anus opening and the surrounding area. Use your tongue to lick and flick, moving it up and down, side to side, and in circles around the anus. Try everything at first, in order to see to which type of move she responds best.

Step3. Give some special attention to the perineum, that sensitive spot that lies between her anus and vulva. It’s extra hot and can give her all the sensual butterflies she needs in order to be prepared for more

Step4. Gently plant nibbles along the length working towards the anus.

Step5. If you like, you can even insert your pointed tongue a short distance into the anus and penetrate in and out, imitating the moving of a penis.

Step6. Don’t stick to just one position, there are numerous different variations you can choose from: doggie-style, 69 (and you can both enjoy the licking), standing, sitting, lying down. Experiment with what is most comfortable and pleasurable for both of you.

Have a fully stimulating week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For an arousal boost, take a small piece of ice in your mouth before licking her anus, then sip some hot tea and return for more. The tingling sensation will drive her wild! Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

“Can you…make it different this time?”
“Different, how?”
“Different position, different…something. I want to learn it all.”– Alisha Rai

Given the fact that we’re talking about anal sex, you have to know that not all positions work for this type of sexual activity and some that you might think do, are actually not that suitable and able to give both of you the ecstatic feelings you desire.

The four basic positions that most couples oblige to when performing anal sex are ones that I’m sure you are more than familiar with. I’ve described each one of them so that you’re fully prepared next time you want to try this type of sexual activity.

1. Girl on top

If you’re both new to anal sex, it is best if you start with the woman on top position because it is much safer. It gives your girlfriend or wife a much greater degree of control over both the thrusting and the degree of penetration and she can get off at any time she feels uncomfortable. Also, in the majority of times, when you’re on your back, gravity pulls the blood that should be in your penis to your back, gluteus muscles and legs, and there are smaller chances for you to finish off too quickly, due to excitement. Her pulling, squeezing and releasing her anal muscles around your penis should be more than enough to compensate your possible lack of hardness.

How to:

-Lie on the bed with your arms resting on the sides and your legs slightly parted and bent at the knees.

-Have her climb onto your lap, straddling you in a kneeling position and holding on to your chest or shoulders as she lowers herself onto your erect penis.

-Until she asks you to push deeper into her, you should remain motionless. As much as you may want to make a move, this is an exercise in patience. So instead of trying to get deeper inside her rectum, try and get deeper inside her head. Ask her if she is enjoying it and how does it feel for her. Likewise, share with her your own feelings and sensations.

-Once she starts the up and down movements, you can start following her lead, slowly and gently.

Why she’ll love it: She’s in charge of the action and she can alternate slow, shallow strokes with deep thrusts, according to how comfortable she feels.

2. Doggie style

In this position, which unleashes your animal instincts, you have control and decide the moment of penetration, but that doesn’t mean that your partner should settle for the passive role. Using slow movements, she can press herself against you and set her own rhythm. Another thing that is worth mentioning is that you should be extra careful not to lose your temper and thrust too deep or too hard. Prove to her that her well-being and satisfaction is your top priority and this will not be the last time she lets you enter her through the backdoor. Be mature!

How to:

-Get her down on all fours, kneel behind her and plunge inside carefully, grabbing her rear for balance.

-Make sure you don’t thrust too deeply; she may end up feeling post-coital pain in her anal region when the deed is over.

-Given that your hands are free, use them to fondle her breasts or buttocks, for additional sizzle.

Why she’ll love it: Most women love playing the “submissive slave”, because it gives them the satisfaction of having you under their control, as contradictory as this may sound. Knowing that you’re enjoying this with so much intensity, they get a sense of power and… superiority, if you like.

3. The missionary

Beginners often find anal sex easier in the missionary position. Kneeling between your partner’s legs, you have good visual contact with her anal region. Also, you can watch how she responds to your moves, and also play freely with her clitoris, either with your fingers or with a sex toy. The obvious drawback of missionary anal sex is the tendency of the anus to tilt downward. This can be compensated for by placing a pillow beneath her buttocks or by raising her legs in the air.

How to:

-Have her lie on the bed with a couple of pillows propping her butt, knees half bent, and legs spread wide so that her body is extremely open.

-Planting your hands on each side of her body, lower yourself onto her and slowly begin the penetration.

-Focus on skin to skin contact to add yet another sensation to the mix.

Why she’ll love it: It’s close, it’s intimate, it’s what every woman wants. Given the fact that it’s anal sex, you might want to consider starting with this position, if she’s showing any signs of emotional turmoil or discomfort. If she feels you are right there with her, she’ll be more open to take pleasure from the experience.

4. Side by side

Spooning is one of the best positions for love making. And yes, there is a reason I said love making and not sex. Because of the amount of intimacy it gives, spooning will ensure the emotional connection needed for such an intense sexual activity as anal sex. Also, it is perfect if you two have very different bodies and sizes and if you don’t want a very deep penetration.

How to:

-Have her stand on one side, with her knees slightly bended and her arms resting on a pillow.

-Sit behind her, starting penetration with slow back and forth movements.

-Because of the permissively comfort of this position, you’ve got plenty of space to touch her clitoris, using her favorite vibrator.

Why she’ll love it: She’s afraid of your penis going in too deep, so this position will make her feel more at ease. Satisfy her needs at first, and then she’ll satisfy yours.

Have a fun and sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Ask her to rate each position depending on how good she feels and how well she can appreciate anal sex. Than, if you’re new to this, stick to the one she enjoys the most. Check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.

“The best sex I ever had was with my vibrator”– Eva Longoria

Sex toys, just like anal sex, have been surrounded by a shadow of taboo until recently. Sex shops were only looked at with the corner of the eye and people hesitated about entering, fearing that someone might see them visit „those shameful places”.

Today the attitude toward toys that give you the much needed pleasure is much more liberal. Thank God for Sex and the city, I might add, because women became more actively involved in this phenomenon after the four naughty girls started talking about it freely and recommending it as something normal, that every woman should try without any regrets or fears.

If you want to acquire the skilled lover status, you have to allow yourself to open up to a whole new world of playful possibility. Sex toys not only enhance your capacity to feel pleasure, but also offer variety in terms of the sensations you can experience. To top that, they can also help you solve the most intriguing sexual challenges that you might encounter.

Types of anal sex toys

Butt plugs.

Perhaps the most convenient sex toy for anal sex, the butt plug is great for beginners. If you’re new to anal play, you’re probably wondering how can you stimulate her all over her body in order for her to truly “open” to yourself when you have just two hands!?

How can you finger her, knead her buttocks and stimulate her clitoris at the same time? Well, a butt plug makes it easier for you. Because of its shape and functionality, you don’t have to use your hands to hold it after you have inserted it.

Don’t worry it won’t get lost… down there. It has a flared base that doesn’t allow that to happen. Another thing that I love about butt plugs is that they are designed so that the anus can’t possibly resist them. Narrower at the top, thicker in the middle and with a flared base, their gradual insertion actually “tames” the anal opening, convincing it to give in and “swallow” it without problems.

Made of silicon, latex, vinyl, shaped like a diamond, or a spade, or a teeny tiny lava lamp, going from small-sized to are-you-serious!? size, butt plugs are a must if you’ve decided to tackle anal sex like two pros decided to win first prize at the Who orgasms first through anal contest.

Anal beads.

Women love pearls, necklaces, everything… beaded. So if you choose to introduce her to a different kind of jewelry, one that is meant to give her absolute sexual euphoria, she is not going to say no.

Perfect for the myriad of nerve endings that surround the anus (and for prostate massage, for the willing and experiment bound gentlemen!), anal beads resemble a thread of round shaped pearls (usually five), strung together on a nylon or cotton cord, with a ring or similar handle at the end, designed for pulling. Made of plastic, silicone, rubber, metal or latex, they come in different shapes and sizes, according to desires and needs.

Dildos

There are so many types of dildos on the market, so many sizes, shapes, figures, colors, that no matter what taste you have concerning the toy with which you’d want to anally penetrate your girlfriend or wife, you’re still covered. There are dildos that look exactly like a penis, or like an elephant’s tromp, or like a fisted hand, a caterpillar, or even a dolphin.

Material wise, you have three choices to pick from: silicone, latex, or vinyl. Again, my advice is to stick with the silicone based dildos, because they have so many safety points on their side that it’s simply not worth the risk.

Vibrators

If you know how to use it and where to… vibrate, it can send you in the seventh heaven of orgasmic pleasure, if such a place were to really exist.

I know men tend to feel a tad threatened by women’s enthusiasm for this type of toy, but, my darling, don’t do the same! If you choose not to deny her of this pleasure, she’ll open the doors to each centimeter of her body, without regrets.

So, before creating you private little shopping list, make sure you know what you are looking for. Here’s what you have to know before heading out and buying the first vibrator that comes to hand:

-do you want to use it for external stimulation, internal stimulation or both… at the same time?

-ask her about shape, size color. Some women prefer vibrators that look exactly like a penis; others, on the contrary, wish for something completely and utterly… different.

-do you want one that you can strap to your body or one that you can handle just with your hands?

-what about the type of material? The ones made of strong plastic provide a much more intense stimulation and are easier to clean, but they’re louder and easily broken if dropped. Softer ones are milder in terms of noise, but harder to clean, because they’re usually porous. The best option: silicone rubber! Although they are a bit more expensive, it’s a profitable investment, trust me!

Have a sensual week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. After every use, wash your toy with plenty of warm water and a mildly hypoallergenic soap and dry them with a moistened piece of cloth. Check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.

“Electric flesh-arrows… traversing the body. A rainbow of color strikes the eyelids. A foam of music falls over the ears. It is the gong of the orgasm.”–Anais Nin

You might think that an orgasm is an orgasm, no matter which hole was being penetrated, but let me tell you that is not the case.

The anal orgasm is, as you’ve already figured out, an orgasm brought on by anal stimulation, such as from an inserted finger, penis, or sex toy. All women are able to achieve it, but only a few have the luck to actually experience it.

The sexual climax can be either complete or incomplete, depending on your ability to touch, and thrust her at the right moment. Some lucky ones may come to experience an anal orgasm without even stimulating the anus, but by stimulation of the buttocks and anal cleft with the tongue.

How it actually happens: typically, through stimulation of the G spot, through the wall shared between the vagina and the rectum. Yes, it’s an indirect stimulation, but perhaps that’s why so many women (and men!) praise its intensity. As a matter in fact, anecdotal evidence suggests that some women experience anal orgasm as qualitatively different from clitoral or vaginal orgasm.

So yes, anal orgasm is not just a ‘convenient’ theory promulgated by men who want to get their respective girlfriends to try it. It’s real, it’s happening and it can be taught.

1. Start with a firm/soft massage of her buttocks. Use contradictory moves- to enhance pleasure- light vs. firm, teasing vs. real pinching, etc.

2. After separating the buttocks a little bit, start massaging the area near the anus, but this time use gentler moves

3. With a well lubed finger start by circling the anal opening with light moves.

4. Try the analingus technique called Rose Petals, in which you move your tongue in tiny circular loops, as if you are tracing the sepals (the small green leaves at the bottom) of a rose, and then move your tongue in a circle around the rim of the anus (this is known as rimming).

5. Once you insert a whole finger or a penis and you reach the rectum, another set of pleasures are involved. The outer portion of the rectum, like the vagina, has several nerve endings. The inner portion responds mostly to pressure. Rectal pressure is particularly important to enthusiasts of fisting, a form of anal sex in which several fingers or even the entire hand are inserted into the rectum and sometimes into the lower colon.

6. When you feel she’s ready to come, if you want to facilitate its appearance, additional manual stimulation of the clitoris is advisable.

7. Also, for women who love a full feeling, try simultaneous penetration of the anus and the vagina, pairing it with clitoral stimulation, as mentioned above.

8. The intensity of the anal orgasm can be achieved by psychological aspects as well as physical. The anal taboo adds to the thrill of the forbidden. The most common myth against anal sex (it’s dirty!) sometimes returns as a source of kinky excitement. Rimming enthusiasts may enjoy the feeling that they are being delightfully perverse. Other people regard the anus as a secret, special place. Sharing it with a partner is an act of openness and giving.

9. The easiest way to NOT have an anal orgasm is to become determined to have one. Seeking it will create new pressures and disrupt the pleasure.

10. Diet also contributes to the feeling of anal pleasure. Regular bowel movements and a sufficient amount of fiber in the system prevents irritation of the bowel tissues, which causes discomfort and adds up to muscular tension.

Have a sweet and hot week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. The orgasm thus achieved is described ‘deeper’, more global and intense, longer lasting and associated with greater feelings of ecstasy. Make sure you give it to her! Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

“Anal sex is like spinach: if you’re forced to eat it, you won’t enjoy it”– Daniel Tosh

Nothing divides a room full of women like the subject of anal sex. For some it’s the last great sexual taboo. For others it’s something to try once, and then discard. And then there are women who swear by it as one of life’s great pleasures.

According to a survey of 100,000 readers of Redbook magazine, 43% of women have tries anal sex at least once. Since more people are talking about it than ever before, it may appear that a revolution in the bedroom is under way. Gabrielle Morrissey, head of the sexology course at Bond University and author of Urge, stresses this: “Anal eroticism is on the menu more than it ever was. People are definitely more curious about it- even if not all of them are actively experimenting with it.”

What a boy wants

Since anal sex is usually thought to be forbidden, no wonder it’s a turn on for you guys. The thrill of breaking a taboo can take you back to when you discovered sex for the first time. You also cite a different physical sensation as one of the reasons you are drawn to it. The external sphincter is very tight and it has been argued that it gives more pleasure than the vagina. Also, it feels different from the vaginal canal- not just tight, but smooth, offering a different sensation.

Hurts so good?

From the female perspective- the physical sensation can be quite different- and painful! Why? Most people have a muscle-contraction reaction in this area, to stop fecal matter escaping. When you insert something into the sphincter, the muscle clamps down. You have to consciously relax to overcome that, which can be very difficult to some women.

The solution is lube and taking things slowly. The anus doesn’t have a lot of natural moisture, so it’s vital to use a good-quality, water-based lube. Particularly the first time insertion should be very slow. Add lube as often as necessary and have your girlfriend or wife breathe out as you insert further, and talk it through as you go.

While the typical image of anal sex is for the man to position himself behind his partner, in a doggie style scenario, I suggest trying out different moves. The sitting position, with the woman on top, allows her more control. You can also do it in the missionary position, or side by side. You need to get her to be as calm as possible; if she’s nervous, she’ll literally constrict, making it more difficult. If it hurts, stop.

The hygiene fact freak-out

For many couples, pain isn’t the barrier that prevents them from experimenting with anal sex. It’s, well… poop. Though there’s not much chance of things getting messy. The rectum is usually empty. Fecal matter may be an issue if she’s constipated or suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but most people won’t encounter anything untoward.

Good hygiene is vital when practicing anal eroticism. Use condoms with anal sex and use a fresh one to insert the penis back into the vagina. You don’t want to mess with the balance of bacteria in the anus and you certainly don’t want to introduce bacteria found in the rectum into the vagina. Stay clean even if you’re indulging in “hand play” in the anal area. Wash fingers before and after inserting them into the rectum.

But is it dangerous?

Truth is, bottoms are not as robust as the vagina. Small tears and bleeding are more of an issue for penetrative sex in this area- and it’s easier to transfer infections this way. If she’s in pain after anal sex, a cool water wash might help. If she’s really sore, look at your technique and see what you’re doing wrong.

If you practice anal sex regularly, there’s another thing to be aware of. Some people’s sphincter muscles can become loose, leading to anal incontinence. But it takes decades to get to this point. It’s more of an issue for people who like to play with oversized toys; meanwhile if you insert something as relative in size as the penis, long-term issues are unlikely to happen.

Of course, you don’t need to stop at the penis- sex toys designed specifically for anal eroticism are available. But make sure you’re using just the ones that are specially designed for this kind of intercourse. We’ve all heard “those” hospital stories.

Have a fully sensual week-end,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Don’t underestimate the pleasure you too can receive if you try this kind of play. Your G-spot is at the top of the rectum and it can give you a different kind of orgasm- streaming, instead of pulsing. Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.