A lot of women actually believe that they simply are unable to orgasm. Female anatomy makes it harder to reach orgasm because the clitoris, which has more powerful nerve endings, is not close to the vagina, so it doesn’t always get the attention it deserves during sex.

But during their erotic solo escapades, women tend to involve the clitoris so much more than you do during sex, sometimes even exclusively. Actually, most women only massage their clitoris in order to have an orgasm while masturbating. Why? Because it feels great instantly and it just takes less time to get to the big O. Sure, penetration is still very intimate and pleasurable, but not all women are able to reach the maximum pleasure point in any sex position and without involving the clitoris directly.

This is the reason why a lot of men come to me with burning dilemmas, like “Am I unable to satisfy my woman?” or “Why is it so hard for her to orgasm?”. But few of them think of ways to help increase their partner’s sensations during sex and make her have more of those wild orgasms.

First, I want to tell you that sexual frustration will affect your connection, so you need to act fast. Second, there are certain sex positions which make it much easier for her to orgasm, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you liked them as well. But you need to remember that while it’s okay to stimulate your own sensitivity during sex, you have to think about hers, too. The most sensitive zone of her vagina, called “the ceiling” (the upper wall), is not stimulated when you thrust in and out of her — not if you don’t have an upward curve or a very thick penis. And even then, it’s not a safe bet.

Finding the ideal positioning during sex can help to iron out the kinks, so to speak, when exploring pleasure and play with your partner. The best sex position to give a woman an orgasm will also vary from person to person, so don’t be afraid to try a few different options and see which one she responds to most. One of the great things about these sex positions is that they’re easy to try, can be adjusted based on both of your needs, and well, they’re just plain-old fun!

Try these remastered positions to hit those extra sensitive zones inside her vagina and help her orgasm every time!

The Complete Missionary 

You might be over The Missionary, but women love this sex position for a reason: it offers great intimacy, which helps to get her wet, it makes her feel dominated by your manliness but also protected, and it makes it easier for you to stimulate the upper wall during penetration, while also putting pressure on the clitoris — this combination is fruitful for explosive orgasms. But you can make it even better!

To give her a powerful G-spot orgasm in this classic position, you need to make some creative adjustments. Start by putting a pillow under her butt in order to tilt her pelvis. Next, put her legs over your shoulders, then thrust back and forth to massage her G-spot and make her feel ready to orgasm! Plus, if you can last while putting both her legs on the same shoulder, she’ll feel tighter to you while you’ll cover more of those orgasmic zones of her vagina.

Using a pillow allows for a totally different angle of penetration than when she’s lying flat on her back, and it may create more friction and stimulation along the anterior wall of the vagina, where the G-spot resides. It also provides more space for both partners to access the clitoris, allowing for finger play or the introduction of sex toys that focus on clitoral vibration or suction, taking you both to new heights.

The Creative Doggy (Click here to see it on Video)

Everyone loves the classic doggy-style position because it has a bit of everything: it’s fun, kinky and offers the advantage of deep penetration. Women often say they can orgasm easier during this position, probably because the lower wall of the vagina gets a lot of attention — and that zone also has a huge potential for wild orgasms.

To take this position to another level, have her lie on her stomach with a pillow under her pelvis to create that slight angle which will make it easier for you to stimulate the elusive, deep G-spot. Then, get on top of her and thrust straight down at a 90-degree angle. This is how you dive straight into her G-spot and make her lose control! In addition, hold her arms down to make her feel dominated and tell her how much you want her to orgasm.

Wild Woman on Top

She likes it on top because she can finally control penetration and angles, but in the heat of the moment most men become completely oblivious and start moving in a way that stimulates their own pleasure.

Just let her take control and notice what is happening. You’ll see that she doesn’t move straight up and down — it’s more like she grinds you. This move isn’t familiar to men, but it’s the type of motion that makes her surrender to pleasure. Pay close attention to the way she moves and how she stimulates her G-spot and clitoris — because she’s probably trying to stimulate her clit against your shaft. If you see her lean back, that’s because she wants your tip to massage her G-spot.

She probably doesn’t even know that she can hit her G-spot by simply leaning back, so tell her how sexy she would look while doing that for you. Don’t expect her to find the perfect motion from the start, but once she finds it…she’ll become addicted!

Closed Missionary

I know, I mentioned missionary already. But don’t scroll past this section just yet — this is missionary with a sexy twist! This particular version is one of the best positions to make a woman cum by hitting that elusive G spot, leading to an explosive orgasm. And this is an important thing to note boys, as only a small percentage of women claim to cum from vaginal intercourse alone. So if you’re trying to up your game and bring her to climax without relying on clitoral stimulation, try this closed missionary position for a higher rate of success. 

Modifications are the key to unlocking greater female enjoyment, keeping things interesting in the bedroom while prioritizing her pleasure as well. In traditional missionary, the woman spreads her legs to accommodate deeper penetration. With closed missionary, once the penis is in place, the woman closes her legs around it while the man spreads his legs to straddle her.

This position creates greater pressure and better conditions for G-spot stimulation, and chances are it’ll feel good for you too. It also slows the pace and limits movement to keep the penis inside the vaginal canal. The benefit of closed missionary is that the woman has a better chance to feel her partner hitting the G-spot, allowing her to guide him and keep pressure and sensation right where she needs it to reach orgasm.

Butterfly Position

The butterfly, another face-to-face position, gives the man a lot of control over the speed, depth, and angle of penetration while allowing the woman greater freedom of movement than when a man is on top of her. In other words, both partners have a better chance to adjust mid-flow for the greatest enjoyment, making it one of the best positions to make a woman cum.

The butterfly position involves the woman lying flat on her back and scooting her pelvis to the end of the bed. The man lifts her legs and braces them against his shoulders while he enters her, with her feet on either side of his head. He’s perfectly positioned to cup her thighs or butt and lift her pelvis, while she’s free to spread her legs, squeeze them together, bend her knees, and even lift and lower her pelvis. This position allows both parties to make adjustments based on what feels good to them, making this a truly collaborative effort! 

The man can reach forward to caress her torso and fondle her breasts and nipples. Both partners can easily reach the clitoris for additional stimulation. While there isn’t a lot of body-to-body contact in this position, it makes for endless variations that can increase pleasure. If the height of your bed isn’t right for the butterfly, you can always get wild by sweeping items off the kitchen counter or dinner table to increase the thrill.

CAT

The coital alignment technique (CAT) is another variation on missionary, one that takes its cue from the closed missionary style. Don’t be fooled by the very scientific and rigid name of this position, it’s a doozy! It starts with insertion, after which the woman closes her legs and the man straddles her. However, there’s an additional step that might just make this the best position to make a woman orgasm.

Once in position, the man will adjust his body so that his torso moves up the woman’s torso while he rests his weight on her rather than holding himself up above her. This upward motion will pull the shaft out of the vagina slightly and press it against the clitoris, so she feels a thrilling pressure as he rests on top of her and begins to thrust.

As with closed missionary, this position limits movement but increases pressure and friction, which is all to the benefit of the woman — and often, the man as well. What makes this position better for most women is the added physical sensation on the clitoris. It also makes it easy to whisper dirty talk in her ear, nibble on an earlobe, or engage in a little passionate hair-pulling. 

CAT has the potential to trigger both clitoral and G-spot orgasms, especially with slow, incremental movements that allow her to pinpoint exactly when her partner has hit the right spot. For women who have had limited success reaching orgasm without clitoral stimulation, this is a much more enjoyable and effective position than standard missionary.

Rocking Horse

The rocking horse might be the best position for a woman, orgasm is never far off with this one! For starters, it allows for somewhat shallower penetration, which may offer a better chance of reaching and maintaining G-spot contact. But how exactly do you rock her world with the rocking horse?  

The woman straddles the man, much like in cowgirl. Then, the man sits up and threads his arms under her bent knees and around her back. From there, he can keep her in position and increase his ability to thrust or help her move up and down on his shaft.

The result is an incredibly close, intimate connection, both in body and spirit. Even as your bodies twist and writhe together with a lot of skin-on-skin contact, this position puts partners face-to-face, allowing you to gaze nakedly into each other’s eyes and build a strong emotional connection.

This connection can be just as important for female orgasms as the physical aspects of intercourse. When a woman allows herself to be open and vulnerable and feels that her partner is doing the same, it can unlock a new level of pleasure that increases arousal and heightens the intensity of orgasms.

Reverse Cowgirl

Couples who already enjoy a bit of woman-on-top action are sure to love the reverse cowgirl position, which pairs elements of both cowgirl and doggy style. Whereas cowgirl features a woman straddling a man on his back so she can ride his erection with full control of the speed, angle, and depth of penetration, the reverse cowgirl involves her facing away from him rather than toward him.

Both positions put the woman in control, allowing her to grind her way to her happy place at her own speed while her partner relaxes and enjoys the ride (and the view!). Reverse cowgirl, however, has the added appeal of doggy-style angling, which could make it easier for some women to get the pressure and friction they want on the G-spot.

The potential for deeper penetration will certainly appeal to men, but it could also be favorable for women with a G-spot deeper in the vaginal canal. This position also makes it easier for the woman to lean back while riding, providing unfettered access to the clitoris for added stimulation by either partner. Women who may feel self-conscious about self-stimulating the clitoris during sex may feel less inhibited in this position, where he won’t be watching.

Seated Scissor

I know what you’re thinking, but “scissoring” isn’t limited to girl-on-girl action. Male and female partners can also work this sexy move into their bedroom play — it just requires a bit of careful coordination. It starts very much like reverse cowgirl, with the man lying on his back and the woman straddling him as she faces toward his feet. However, the man will bend his knees and brace his feet.

Following insertion, she’ll swing one leg between his legs, keeping it bent so that his knees embrace hers. Her other leg will remain on the outside of his hip — this is the “scissor” portion of the position. Which leg she chooses to leave on the outside will determine the angle of penetration, slightly to one side or the other, so experimentation is the key to figuring out how to make this the absolute best position for a woman to orgasm.

This position can feel awkward at first, so it’s best to proceed slowly. However, it allows for some exciting new sensations when she grinds against the pubic bone, and like reverse cowgirl, this position is nicely situated for stimulating the clitoris and other erogenous zones.

Spooning

Some people consider spooning a “lazy” position, but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of languorous lovemaking. Sometimes, a relaxed and comfortable position may be the best position to make a woman cum. Spooning is among the most comforting and secure positions, with partners situated front-to-back and the man acting as the big spoon. Unlike more risky positions, it’s easy to control movements and penetration with the full support of the bed beneath you. 

Both partners lie on their sides while the man wraps his arms around the woman from behind, penetrating her in much the same manner as doggy style or creative doggy (where the woman lies on her stomach and the man lies on her back). 

For the woman, it feels like a full-body hug, complete with sensual penetration, and her partner can use his free hand to fondle her nipples or play with her clit, even as he whispers sexy talk in her ear or kisses the back of her neck.

This position features the deep penetration and superb angling of doggy style, which is often great for both partners, along with the added pressure of a closed-leg posture, like closed missionary, which can greatly enhance G-spot stimulation. When it’s all over and you’ve both had a mindblowing orgasm, it’s easy to snuggle close and bask in postcoital bliss. 

69

For women, the best sex often involves a lot of lubrication and stimulation of multiple erogenous zones, which is why oral sex is always a safe bet. While 69 doesn’t involve penetration, it still allows both partners to give and receive pleasure simultaneously.

This can be a tricky position to maintain, so you might have to spend some time experimenting with a top/bottom scenario or lying on your sides to discover what works best for you (and what’s least likely to cause those pesky leg cramps).

That said, this position can be absolutely explosive for both partners as they lick and suck their way to a mutual climax. It’s hard to imagine a better way to make a woman cum than with oral clitoral stimulation, which could make the classic 69 the very best position to make your woman orgasm.

Tips for Making a Woman Cum in Any Position

Instead of asking what sex position will make a woman orgasm instantly, consider that the right stimulation could make a woman orgasm in any position. Whether you tend to favor missionary, cowgirl, or doggy style, or you like to explore a fantastic range of sexual gymnastics like you’re using the Kama Sutra as your playbook, you always want to work toward helping your partner reach fulfillment.

Slowing down, taking time to explore what makes her back arch and her feet curl, and introducing a variety of techniques are fundamental aspects of mind-blowing sex. However, there are other things you can do to ensure that every touch sends tingles throughout her body and brings her one step closer to climax.

Invite Other Erogenous Zones to the Party

Penetrative sex is rarely enough to make a woman cum, even with so many different positions to try. Your best bet to making her cum is to spend some time stimulating multiple erogenous zones.

Pay attention to her mouth and lips, the nape of the neck, her breasts (especially her nipples), and her inner thighs and buttocks. And of course, don’t forget clitoral stimulation. However, many women have other areas of sensitivity that contribute to arousal. You might nibble her earlobe, kiss your way across her lower abdomen, lightly brush her lower back with your fingers, and so on. In time, you’ll discover which areas really make her purr.

Add Toys to the Mix

Every woman is sure to enjoy some positions more than others. But what if the positions you love don’t match up? You may both still be able to get off in any position with the assistance of some well-placed sex toys.

Dildos, vibrators, nipple clamps, clit stimulators, and other toys can offer an assist that makes every position more pleasure-inducing. A low-profile clit stimulator can even work with missionary-style positions and slip seamlessly between your bodies.

You might find that titillating extras like bondage gear amplify her level of arousal to the new levels. Tickles and slaps can be fun, but bringing feathers, riding crops, and other naughty toys into the mix can up the ante on excitement.

Don’t Rush

If you’re having trouble holding back, you might want to consider techniques that help prolong intercourse until she reaches climax. This could mean switching up tempos during intercourse to avoid reaching the finish line before she does. However, I highly recommend that you spend more time on foreplay and other forms of arousal before you engage in penetration.

You don’t have to cum together every time, but if you tap out when she’s just getting started, chances are at least one of you — but probably both — will end up disappointed. Finding the best position to make a woman cum is just one part of ensuring she crosses the finish line. Remember, sex is more about the journey than the destination so make sure both of you have fun along the way! 

Talk to Her

A lot of women like to have their minds stimulated as much as their bodies. That’s why the right kind of talk during sex can help to get her primed for an orgasm.

You might try a little no-touch foreplay, like reading the steamy parts of an erotic story to let the wheels in her head drive her physical arousal. You can talk dirty or simply fuel her imagination by telling her what you’re going to do to her. Getting close to her to whisper in her ear can be a major turn-on that greatly enhances the pleasure of any number of positions. You can even try a little dirty sexting before she gets home to really get her engines revving. 

The truth is that the best position to make a woman cum will depend on a variety of different factors. Make sure to talk to her about what she wants, what feels good, and what new and sexy things she’s willing to try. You may be surprised by what you learn about your partner’s fantasies! 

Ultimately, finding the best position will come down to a lot of trial and error. But the good news for you is that it means you get to spend time exploring her body and what makes her tick. And who doesn’t love a little sexy exploration with their partner? I’ll leave you with that and this fun list of exciting positions. Happy experimenting! 

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S.: And remember, the more orgasms she has, the easier it will become for her to experience the same kind of intense pleasure. Because once you figure out together the most powerful angles and moves to stimulate those sensitive areas, you will master this mysterious territory without much effort.

For more details on the Reverse Cowgirl Position, check out my full course by clicking here.

These questions will reveal the truth: Is she sexually attracted to you… or just tolerating you?

When a woman sees you as an Alpha, her biology reacts. She gets wet. She relaxes. She trusts. Sex flows. Submission becomes natural.

But when she sees you as a Beta? Her body shuts down. Her voice sharpens. She questions you. Challenges you. Resists you. And sex? It dies quietly.

That’s why this test matters.

Because this isn’t her fault—it’s yours. She’s not doing it on purpose—and it’s not something she consciously controls. It’s biological. Instinctual. And you can learn to shift it.

Below are two versions of The Alpha Test:

• One for men in a relationship
• One for men who are dating

How to Score:

• If you answer YES to 4 or more—she sees you as a Beta.
• If you answer NO to 4 or more—she sees you as an Alpha.

Let’s begin.

If You’re In a Relationship

Most men don’t realize they’ve stopped being the Alpha—until it’s too late. This is one of the biggest intimacy killers in long-term relationships. The worst part? It’s silent, and it happens gradually.

1. Does she make jokes about you in front of your friends?

This could be a joke about how messy you are, or about your outfit, your hair—anything that makes you the punchline in front of others.

Yes: She doesn’t value how your friends see you. Your status isn’t important to her. No: She protects your image because she respects you. She understands that status matters.

2. Does she speak to you with a harsh or irritated tone?

This might sound like passive-aggressive remarks, frequent sighs, eye-rolls, or using a sharp tone over small issues.

Yes: Her irritation means she doesn’t see you as the man in charge. She’s trying to take the lead.
No: Her soft, respectful tone means she sees your leadership and relaxes into it.

3. Does she challenge your decisions or ask for proof constantly?

This looks like double-checking everything you say, needing to ‘verify’ your choices, or refusing to let your word be final on any plan.

Yes: She doesn’t trust your judgment or instincts. She wants to control outcomes.
No: She believes in your word and respects your authority as a man.

4. Does she get angry at you for working too much?

This might look like guilt trips when you’re focused on building something meaningful, or making your ambition the problem.

Yes: She resents your purpose and doesn’t see your time as valuable.
No: She supports you, takes care of you, and wants to see you win—because she respects your mission.

5. Does she wear lazy pajamas or unflattering underwear around you?

We’re talking old cotton, saggy waistbands, or cartoon prints that scream, “don’t look at me.”

Yes: She’s no longer trying to arouse you—because she’s stopped seeing you as a sexual man.
No: She still wants to turn you on—because your presence still excites her.

6. Does she tell you she doesn’t need your help with physical tasks?

This might sound like, “I can carry it myself” or “I don’t need help with the tire.”

Yes: She doesn’t see you as physically superior, and thus struggles to respect your masculinity.
No: She recognizes your strength and welcomes your masculine role.

 Most men lose their Alpha edge without even noticing—until she’s no longer turned on. That’s why I created an explicit video course to show you how to lead her in bed like a man she can’t help but trust and surrender to. Click here to watch The Alpha Lover.

If You’re Dating—Look for These First-Date Signals

The Alpha test doesn’t wait until you’re in a relationship. She’s scanning you from the first text, the first date, the first move.

Here are 6 common early signs of how she sees you:

1. Does she insist on changing the plan?

This could be her pushing for a different restaurant, changing the time last-minute, or rejecting your original suggestion.

Yes: She doesn’t trust your ability to lead or follow through. She wants control.
No: She’s excited to follow your plan and wants to see where your lead takes her.

2. Does she override your suggestions?

This might be her correcting your order at dinner, questioning your choice in movie, or redirecting every conversation.

Yes: She doesn’t value your judgment. She’s testing to see if you’ll fold.
No: She accepts your lead and wants to be in her feminine energy.

3. Does she take your masculine gestures—like opening the door—for granted?

This includes not acknowledging when you open the door, pull out her chair, or pick up the bill.

Yes: She feels entitled to them and doesn’t see them as special.
No: She’s grateful because she values your role as a man and knows not all men are like you.

4. Does she challenge your lead during the date?

This might look like constant interruptions, suggesting alternative directions when walking, or taking control of the vibe.

Yes: She’s still trying to run the show. You haven’t convinced her to trust you.
No: She’s relaxed, letting you take control.

5. Did she make you wait or show up late without an apology?

This could be that she made you wait over 10 minutes downstairs when you went to pick her up in your car, without acknowledging it.

Yes: She doesn’t respect your time—she doesn’t see your presence as something to value.
No: She honors your time and shows up because she respects your role as a man.

6. Does she confront you or correct you in public?

This could be interrupting you mid-sentence to correct details, calling you out in front of others, or arguing during social moments.

Yes: She doesn’t respect your authority. She undermines you when others are watching.
No: She brings things to you privately, because she respects your leadership.

Because when you lead her in bed, everything changes. That’s why I created a step-by-step demonstration inside my course. Click here to watch The Alpha Lover and see how it’s done.

Her Behavior Is the Mirror of Your Power

She doesn’t need you to be perfect. She doesn’t even need you to be right all the time.

She needs to feel that you’re solid. Clear. Decisive. Unshakeable.

That’s what gives her permission to surrender— Not just emotionally… but sexually.

Summary

An Alpha: She trusts you to lead. She softens. She submits. She wants to impress you. Craves your attention. Gets wet at your presence.

A Beta: She confronts you. Corrects you. Pulls away from sex. Challenges your decisions. Gets dry. And starts looking elsewhere for masculine energy.

If you want to lead her not just in life—but under the sheets—then this is where you start. Click here to watch The Alpha Lover now.

With certainty,

Fidan Paula
Sex Expert & Founder of Naked U

P.S.

These tests are happening all the time—whether you see them or not.
Learn the moves and mindset to pass her tests and turn her on like never before.

Make Her Love BDSM!

Darling, let me confess something…

The first time I really let Steve tie me down, I thought of Fifty Shades of Grey. That movie made every woman secretly wonder, what would it feel like if a man truly took control of me? But here’s the truth, it’s so much more powerful than what Hollywood shows. The ropes, the blindfolds… they’re just props. The real thrill is in the trust, the surrender, the moment I felt completely his.

That’s what BDSM is. Not cruelty. Not abuse. But a delicious mix of power, devotion, and erotic intensity that most couples never dare to taste.

What Does BDSM Play Look Like?

Sometimes it’s Steve pinning my wrists while kissing me so hard I forget to breathe. Other times, it’s being blindfolded, hearing his voice command me, not knowing where his hand or tongue will strike next.

BDSM can be as simple as playful spanking… or as elaborate as rope patterns you’d see in an art exhibit. Think of it as jazz: improvisation, rhythm, tension, and release.

Want to see how this looks when I teach it? Inside The Alpha Lover, I guide AJ Applegate (my luscious blonde with curves built to worship) and Sandy Fantasy (my fiery Russian beauty) through intoxicating domination play. Watch it here.

Why Are People Into BDSM?

Because it heightens everything. My skin feels hotter, my orgasms sharper, my heart racing faster. Science backs it too—dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins flood your system during power play. It’s like sex mixed with a natural high.

And no, it’s not pain that excites me. It’s the contrast: being restrained but protected, ordered but adored. That paradox is addictive.

What Does It Mean to Be a Dominant?

Think of James Bond—not Christian Grey. True dominance isn’t about leather whips; it’s about confidence. A Dominant man:

• Leads with certainty.
• Anticipates her needs.
• Protects as much as he provokes.

Steve doesn’t need to shout. He owns the moment with calm, grounded certainty. And when he does, my body answers without question.

In The Alpha Lover, I show you how to embody that presence—so she sees you as irresistible, commanding, unforgettable. See it now.

What Does It Mean to Be a Submissive?

When I submit, I’m not weak. I’m free. Free from decisions, from control, from the noise in my head. I give Steve my body and in return, I get orgasms so raw they leave me trembling. That’s the beauty of submission: surrender becomes liberation.

Breaking Down the Misconceptions About BDSM

• Myth: BDSM is abuse.
  Truth: It’s love wrapped in intensity, built on consent and care.
• Myth: Only “kinky” people do it.
  Truth: Every couple who’s pulled hair, spanked, or whispered dirty talk has already played in this world.
• Myth: It’s dangerous.
  Truth: With safe words and trust, BDSM is one of the safest, most bonding forms of play.

How to Talk to Your Partner About BDSM

Pop culture makes this easy. Mention Fifty Shades or even a Netflix series with a power-play scene. Then smile and say: “I wonder what it would feel like if we tried something like that…” Keep it playful. Invite her curiosity. Make it sound like a shared adventure.

Consent and Safe Words

Steve and I always use them. “Yellow” means slow down. “Red” means stop. Funny enough, I rarely use them, but knowing they’re there gives me the freedom to let go without fear.

How to Start Practicing BDSM as a Beginner

• Start small: blindfolds, silk scarves, handcuffs.
• Add spice slowly: spanking, whispered commands, teasing denial.
• Always watch her: her breath, her moans, the way her thighs clench—those are your guide.

Aftercare: The Tender Secret

After he dominates me, Steve doesn’t just roll over. He pulls me close, strokes my hair, whispers how beautiful I was for him. That aftercare is what turns BDSM from rough play into devotion. It’s the reason I crave it again and again.

These words are just a taste. Inside The Alpha Lover, AJ Applegate and Sandy Fantasy show you, explicitly, how domination becomes both fierce and tender, raw and romantic. Click here to watch and master it.

Final Thoughts

Darling, BDSM isn’t about pain. It’s about passion, power, and surrender. When you step into your role as a Dominant, you awaken something inside her she may have only fantasized about while watching movies. And once she tastes that surrender, she’ll never want to go back.

Ready to awaken her kink and become the man she worships in and out of bed? Watch The Alpha Lover now.

Hot kisses,
Fidan Paula
Sex Expert & Author of Naked U

“Sex pleasure in a woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken.”– Simone de Beauvoir

Anal sex is a very intimate act for women. They are allowing someone to enter the “forbidden zone” of their body, which is a huge deal. That’s why it requires a certain level of trust and a lot of communication. She is not going to agree to do it unless she is one hundred per cent sure that it will be all right, that you know what you are doing and that she is not going to feel pain.

If you want to get her to agree to it, you must start small, step by step, seducing both her mind and her body. Tease her to the extent that she can’t take it anymore and she’s the one begging you to do it.

Step 1. Stimulate her mind

First of all, fix the breach in communication. Talk to her about anal eroticism, if it’s a blurry thing for her or if she doesn’t even heard of it beforehand. Explain your reasons for wanting it, share your deepest desires and fantasies and ask her to tell you what she thinks about it. You can start by discussing the subject in general, maybe mentioning that a couple of your friends are doing it and it turned out to be a successful venture for them. Tell her details, read together articles about it, and then move to asking her what she feels about you two giving it a try.

Then, talk to her about her fears. After extensive interviews with women all over the country, I have come to the conclusion that, besides the pain factor, most women are simply worried about… the mess. The idea that the whole act could become a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for them. Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell good that they can’t accept the fact that you will consider them… dirty. Try and subtly bring that up, assuring her that there is no problem from your part and that you will never judge her negatively when it comes to this aspect.

After that, make her trust you. By placing herself into such a vulnerable state, she needs to know that she can trust you one hundred per cent. Again, communication is key in order for her to feel safe enough to agree to try it. Tell her you will give her full access and command over your penis and the way she wants it inserted. This gives her the illusion of control, which calms her nerves a little bit.

Last but not least, be patient with her. “Regular sex will make your day, anal sex will make your whole week”, a friend of mine used to say. I always tell couples this and advise them to be patient with one another. Anal sex should be a gradual process of exploration, especially from a mental perspective, because that’s where the fear and the indecisiveness come from. It does not matter how long it lasts you to insert a mere inch, take all the time she needs. She’ll appreciate the fact that you are not into this just to satisfy your needs, but you want her to feel as good as you. And patience is the best proof for this.

Step 2. Stimulate her body

The most common mistake that men do when they decide to try anal sex with their girlfriends is that they proceed without proper preparations. My secret? Extended foreplay! I have developed a three day routine that is meant to “desensitize” a woman’s derriere and help her experience anal sex as she should: an act of pure pleasure. Here’s what you have to do:

Day 1. Start with a sexy shower together. Kiss, stroke and massage her body with all the nicely scented lotions she has in the bathroom. Take time to truly connect through the power of tactile orgasm. When you hear her moan with pleasure, reach her buttocks and massage, stroke and knead the muscles until they relax. Gradually move your fingers to the space between her butt cheeks and allow your fingers to slightly pass over her anus, without inserting any! Give her a deep kiss and let her finish her bath alone.

Day 2. Surprise her with a good dose of oral stimulation. As she becomes more aroused, apply a generous amount of water-based lubricant to your index finger and begin to gently massage her anus. Start with long, slow strokes, and as your tongue is caressing her clitoris, move your finger in circles around the opening of the anus. After a couple of minutes of anal massage, begin to gently push your finger against the opening of her anus with steady pressure.

Day 3. Now that she’s ready and eager for more, it’s time to start slowly inserting your well-lubed finger. After warming her up with the steps described above, insert an inch or two of your index into her anus. While she breathes deeply, start to move your finger around in small circles. If she’s not objecting, you can start moving your finger in and out, simulating intercourse. Re-apply lube every time it’s necessary. I usually advise couples to stop here, but if she’s eager for some penis action (or a sex toy, maybe!), you know what to do!

Have a sweet & scrumptious week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Do the double stimulation exercise as long as it takes for her to get ready. Don’t give up if she seems to not come around. Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

People also enjoy anal sex because it feels unbelievably incredible. For men, the anal orifice feels much tighter than a vagina.  Not to mention the rectum sucks up a penis like a Hoover vacuum. The delish intense sucking feeling will add to the male pleasure. For women, it feels unique because it’s not her vagina yet there is a penis inside her. It’s an unusual feeling she isn’t used to having which makes it exciting.

But be forewarned ladies and gents! Back door play is a whole different ballgame altogether. It can be shockingly painful and messy (if you know what we mean) if not done right.  However with a little practice and a boat load of patience, anal sex can lead to a hot and sultry sex life. Here’s what you need to know to make sure your anal sex experience is a good one.

Rectums cannot stretch

Anal sex can be seriously painful. The rectum is an exit only portal. It is simply not meant to have things go in; only go out. Unlike the vagina which stretches to let a penis in and give birth to a baby, a rectum is not elastic at all. Not even a little bit folks. This can cause a woman major pain if she’s not prepared properly. That means a) asking her first (obviously) b) using lots of lube and c) going very slowly and not pounding into her like a jackrabbit. Be patient. Hold the penis and guide it in slowly. Try going in an inch, taking it out, and putting in again but going further. Keep trying until you’re in all the way.

Anal sex can be messy

Most ladies like to put much emphasis on making themselves look sexy so just the mere thought of a guy seeing them explode all over the place can be distressing to say the least. Instead of picturing her as this hot sex goddess, the male may begin picturing her covered in fecal matter. So not hot. The solution? An oral douche! If she takes one ahead of time it will ensure that her bowels are emptied. This way you can avoid any potentially messy accidents.

Don’t forget lube is your best friend forever

Unlike the vagina, the rectum does not create its own lubricant. Penetration without ample lube equals dry friction. Ouch! Use a silicone or water-based product and not petroleum jelly, which will just clog up the walls of your rectum and ruin the condom.

Get down with foreplay

It’s of utmost importance to get each other hot and bothered before the main event. When she’s feeling sexy and horny, her body will be much more receptive for rear penetration. She needs to ache for it like a cat in heat so she’ll be moaning with ecstasy not groaning in pain. Tease each other playfully getting each other excited. For example you can circle each other’s anus with your fingers. This will allow the anus to relax and get ready for penetration. While engaged in vaginal sex you can try inserting a finger into the woman’s anus for extra stimulation.

Keep it clean as a whistle

Both men and women are just as susceptible to disease with anal sex as they are with vaginal sex. The wall of the rectum is super duper thin and porous, so safe sex is imperative. Not only will condoms protect the penis against any stray fecal matter, but it will prevent her from having a butt full of semen. Semen can mix with the contents of the rectum and can make her ill as well. Consider using a condom and avoid the potential hassle.

Another no no? Do not under any circumstances put the penis back into the vagina after anal sex. You can resolve this little conundrum by using different condoms or keeping baby wipes on hand. But the best bet is to go from vagina to anus and not the other way around.

Practice makes perfect and anal sex is no different. Do it the right way and you can ensure that you’ll be having anal sex for many years to come. Screw it up and your anus (or your partner) may never forgive you.

Kisses,
Fidan Paula

P.S. For more relevant tips on how to enjoy anal, check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. Here you’ll find all you need to know about the subject.

“70% of women miss dirty sex but they are ashamed to tell their partners about it.”

Is your sex life getting so boring you want to scream? Is your partner careless and almost numb to all your efforts between the sheets? Then you might need to revamp those foreplay skills. Our bodies are a hotbed of sexual pleasure to be discovered. Take your time and delve into each other if you want the most mind blowing orgasms of your life. Give your, and her nooks and crannies some love for a surprisingly sexy night!

Zone 1: Kissing

Most of us probably won’t spend a whole night making out if it’s not going to lead to sex. But we should. I always tell people to designate at least one day a month to kissing to help build intimacy. Avoiding all major erogenous zones will also get your body to refocus. Try a variety of styles all over the body: soft, hard, fast, slow, tongue and no tongue.

Zone 2: Ears

Four different sensory nerves make up the external ear, making them supersensitive. Give those cute little things some attention! Try a gentle nibble, a quick lick, or softly blowing on your partner’s earlobe. Whispering your desires with a hot and heavy breath will drive her totally wild. While you can nibble around the outside of the rest of her ear as well, for courtesy’s sake avoid jamming your tongue inside her ear.

Zone 3: Neck

The neck is the first place you turn to when you want to turn someone on. It’s a total hot spot thanks to the carotid artery, which pumps blood through your body. Try breathing against it or lightly running your fingers over it. Make your way to the collar bone and give that spot a hard kiss. Try the nape of her neck as well. In ancient Japan, the back of a woman’s neck was seen as very attractive by men since it was one of the few places not covered by clothing. In modern times, the nape of the neck is often neglected in favor of more obvious pleasure centers, but never underestimate the power of gentle touches and kisses from her hairline to her shoulders.

Zone 4: Armpit

Though it may not seem sexy, you’ve been overlooking this hidden pleasure spot for years. Because they contain a major artery, your armpits can be a hotbed of sensitivity. If your partner enjoys a little bit of pain during sex, I suggest pressing your thumb into the hollow of her armpit, a pressure point. It can be a great way to incorporate some kink.

Zone 5: Above the butt

Our booties aren’t the only erogenous zones. Try massaging the hollow area of the lower back when you want to turn her on. It’s always good fun to explore around the obvious sexy parts. What makes this teaser so hot is that it’s fairly innocent, but it still feels kind of risqué. However, you’ll have to resist the urge to slip down to her vagina while you’re so close. Like teasing her inner thighs, kissing and licking around her bum will excite her until she’s begging for more. Prolong the sensation by leaving the region to focus on another body part for a while.

Zone 6: Nipples

Nipples are attached to a section of nerves that connect to the brain and genitals. When one of her love buttons is touched, the others are likely to be awoken. Pinch, suck, or lightly bite her nipples while you explore other parts of her body with your hands.

Zone 7: Abs

Licking, kissing and sucking the rib area can really turn a woman on. Make your way down to the belly button, another secret hot spot. Because the clitoris and the belly button grow from the same tissue in the womb, they are neurologically linked in adulthood. Before you lick her there, lightly place your finger inside to see for yourself how it feels.

Yes, every inch of her body is covered with nerve endings that could be stimulated, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have some no-go places. Some women can’t stand to have their faces touched, while others find it unbearable if their hands are tickled. As you explore, you’ll learn which places your touch has the best effect on and which you should avoid.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Re-write history on the map of her body by exploring these hot spots. Actually, how about taking an entire night just for this: arousing her senses so much that she won’t be able to wait any longer and scream for you to be inside her? Check out my program – Anal Ecstasy.

I am about to tell you something really important. Something that you really should know by now, if you don’t already. Are you sitting down? OK, here I go: People have anal sex. They enjoy it. It feels good. They sometimes do it on a regular basis, the same way they do vaginal sex. However, due to cultural stigmas and some weird societal taboo factor, there’s a certain amount of shame attached to incorporating it into your love life. Sometimes, it can even feel embarrassing to ask your partner to have anal sex.

But the thing is, it really shouldn’t be. Scream it from the rooftops! Want to have anal sex?! Actually, that is maybe a bad idea. The appropriate way to ask your partner to do the deed, especially if you’re feeling a little nervous, doesn’t actually involve any rooftops. It’s just a matter of communicating your desires and hope your relationship is strong enough to not feel threatened or put off by it. That’s why I’m here, to lay the grounds and share with you a simple, and REAL method to approach the subject.

First stop – Don’t shy away from your real feelings

Turns out, being nervous can actually be advantageous. Confidently asking someone if they want to have anal sex would probably come off pretty intimidating, if you think about it. Being nervous can actually help you because it will enable you to be sensitive to your partner’s hesitancy if they express unwillingness or averseness. But you can also be surprised by her response – your partner might actually be ecstatic that you have brought it up. Perhaps it is something that has been on her mind but she was reluctant to discuss it and was hoping for you to bring it up. I’ve had so many women patients come to me and tell me they were dying to try it but they were too ashamed to ask their men to do it. You never know what fire rests inside your partner.

Addressing the situation with gentleness is the perfect way to approach the topic with your partner — not to mention the act itself. The first step in talking about it is to ‘feel’ your partner out. If you get thumbs up, the rest is easy. If you get a look of shock, disgust, or ‘are you f*****g out of your mind?’ it’s time to go to Plan B. And Plan B might be missionary, if your partner is more of the vanilla type.

Second stop – You gotta respect the response you get

The answer might be no, and you have to be OK with that. Really. But to get the best possible response, the one you actually want to get, some times are better than others to engage in the backdoor sex conversation. Do not have this discussion during the heat of passion. Nobody wants to feel pressured to say yes if they mean no, or have feelings of regret afterward. I would encourage you to be honest and direct about your desires and your uncomfortableness in bringing it up. The key is to ask for what you want and be prepared to accept your partner’s response.

Obviously, with all things, you need consent. Additionally, don’t make your partner decide immediately. This isn’t a moment’s notice kind of thing. Let your partner know it’s OK to think about it, and not deciding at this moment is perfectly fine. You need to reassure your partner that it’s OK to be ambivalent about it. The more accepting you are of your partner’s feelings, the greater the likelihood they would be willing to engage in it.

Just like other important life decisions, your partner should take a moment to think about engaging in anal sex before she does agree to take the plunge.

And now that you know how to initiate the conversation, proceed with caution and take your time. If you and your partner end up trying it, and you don’t like it, you can always stop. But hey, you might as well try it out at least once, right?

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For more relevant tips and tricks on successfully trying out anal sex, check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy.

Anal sex is one sex act plenty of people want – but, despite this, it’s still rarely discussed or understood, and I really don’t get why. Since it’s highly pleasurable when done properly, a bit of backdoor action shouldn’t be overlooked as a great addition to a couple’s sex life, that’s what I always tell my patients when they confide in me they’d love to give it a go but are too afraid of getting hurt. Thinking of trying it with your partner but she’s antsy and not sure? Here are 11 tips that will ensure your anal sex experience together is a good one for both parties involved.

1. Communicate

Anal sex is an acquired taste and definitely not for everyone. So, when it comes to bum fun, a no definitely means no, so don’t even try in forcing yourself into your partner’s anus. The most important thing about anal sex, when it comes to the ladies, is that they don’t have to do it to please their partners, they should do it only because they want to explore the experience and see for themselves what the whole thing it about. It’s not for everyone and that’s ok.

2. Take it easy

Regardless of how keen you are to try anal sex, it is something that should be taken slowly.

Being relaxed is essential in order for it to be a pleasurable experience for a woman and the back door definitely and certainly isn’t the place to practice your ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ moves.

3. Experiment first

Using your fingers or tongue to arouse your partner can be a highly pleasurable way to turn your partner on before the act itself. There are a number of other ways to prepare for anal sex too – sharing warm a bath together with some candles can help release the tension in the pelvic area. You can even take the chance to explore ahead of time whilst bathing, with water itself as a sort of lubricant.

4. Toys

Alternatively, there are a great range of toys on the market which will do the job just as well and can be the perfect way to start experimenting with anal sex. Butt plugs are a great way of experimenting if your partner isn’t ready to take the plunge yet. There are some great beginner plugs to help with the ‘full’ feeling one can get when having something in the back door for the first time.

   5. Lube up

The holy grail of enjoyable anal sex. The key thing is relaxation through lots of foreplay, lots of lube, and a sensitive lover who is going to take their time. The key to enjoying anal sex is relaxation and LOTS of lubrication. ‘Going in dry’ will be unpleasant and painful for all involved.

   6. Condoms

Despite the obvious avoidance of pregnancy, practicing safe anal is as important as using condoms during regular sex.

   7. Self-play

Masturbating whilst you penetrate her is a great way of adding extra enjoyment to the anal sex experience, it can also help your partner relax, without focusing solely on the job in hand.

8. Experiment with positions

Despite people thinking of anal sex as a bit of a one trick ‘doggy style’ pony, there is no reason why it can’t be enjoyed in a number of different positions. For example, lying on her front with a pillow under her hips can be more comfortable and missionary, a different sensation with more intimate eye contact.

   9. Don’t withdraw too quickly

Anal entry can be uncomfortable – and withdrawal no less so. So, if you don’t want your partner to literally feel the shooting pain of what feels like half the world falling out of her bum – slow withdrawal is advised.

10. Don’t swap around

Poo is an obvious potential side effect of anal sex or, more specifically, poo on willies, fingers and toys – and even if it’s not visible, back door germs do linger and are not something your partner wants directly inserted into her vagina.

11. Don’t eat a curry an hour before (or an hour after)

I’ll leave you to do the math.

Hot kisses,

Fidan Paula

P.S. For naughtier and saucier information on how to make anal sex an enjoyable and pleasure-filled experience, check out my program on the subject – Anal Ecstasy.

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