“Any problem, big or small, always starts with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.” – Emma Thompson

You’re angry with your partner and want to reach for your mobile. Don’t! It can do greater harm than you realize. When your partner does something annoying, such as cancelling dinner plans 20 minutes before you’re supposed to meet, it’s natural you’ll want to call her out on it. So you should send her a quick text message explaining why you didn’t like that, right? Actually, no.

If your ultimate goal is to keep your relationship in a good place, you’re better off stifling that urge. Texted words come through in a vacuum. You have no idea how the other person is reacting, and before you know it that message snowballs into a text war. That means you standing still in the middle of a street/store/party sending and receiving the kind of texts that can and will be used against you in countless future, love-killing fights.

Face-off

The communication handicap that comes with texting is even bigger than you might imagine. You’re getting three times less information texting than in a face-to-face conversation. You can’t see facial expressions, hear tone of voice, or watch body language. As a result, communicating can get really messy – and mean. After all, it’s a lot easier to go below the belt when you don’t have to witness your girlfriend’s gutted response. And it’s also harder to tell if you’re about to cross that line in the first place.

When you’re in the same room, you can see her physically bracing for what you’re going to say, and that clues you in that you’re about to go too far. But you don’t have that kind of a built-in safeguard with your smartphone. And after you go there, even a well-timed “Damn you, autocorrect!” won’t make her forget.

Lost in translation

To complicate the situation, the way your brain processes text messages (when both writing and receiving them) escalates an argument exponentially. When you text, you’re activating the more logical part of your brain; when you speak, you’re using more emotional circuits. So even when you’re writing a text that’s intended to be loving or remorseful, it’s naturally going to come across a bit cold and detached when she sees it in type. On top of that, our brains are wired to read only a part of a message, not the whole thing, which causes us to jump to conclusions.

It goes back to how we learnt to read as kids. Your brain automatically groups words together so you can expect what the next word will be. So instead of carefully scanning the message, your eyes dart to a few key words, and your mind fills in the rest. And even if you do read every word, you can still interpret a text countless ways, causing a perfect storm of miscommunication.

Get to the make-up sext

So how do you keep things from getting out of hand? Go ahead and send your partner a text when you’re miffed, but make sure it says only this: “Hey, when can I see you?” Don’t hint at what’s making you angry – doing so will only start the snowball rolling. This way, you’re just letting her know that you want to connect in person.

If you’ve already exchanged a few hatred lines, delete the conversation. Otherwise, it’s too tempting to eyeball the texts again and again in the future, or dredge them up as ‘evidence’ when you’re talking things through (which will only fan the flame). Deleting the convo from your phone won’t completely delete it from your memory, but it will make it easier to move on.

Have a beautiful week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. You’ve been hate-texting so much you suddenly realize you’ve just leveled up on Angry Birds? Put the phone down now!

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“My reaction to porno films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.” – Erica Jong

Experts say that your seemingly harmless habit could wreak havoc on your sex life. Here, damage control. With so many countless free sites streaming smut to smartphone at 4G speed, it’s hard for a guy not to watch porn these days. But while some men are capable of using it in a non-destructive way (every once in a while or for a little inspiration during a solo session), watching too much can lead to problems in the bedroom.

As guys are exposed to virtual sex more and more, their desire for their partner may decrease. Read on to find out if porn is negatively affecting you and, if so, how to help yourself refocus on offline thrills.

1)    Too much of a new thing.

You’d think that seeing so many chicks over-enthusiastically giving a man oral onscreen would translate into a walking erection when you’re present with the real thing. But weirdly, experts say it doesn’t work like that. That’s because guys are turned on not only by the sex itself but also by the fact that they’re constantly seeing new people doing new stuff. When a man sees a woman naked for the first time or views a new sex act, his brain releases more of the pleasure hormone dopamine that when he’s checking out someone or something he’s seen before. Unfortunately, the more porn you watch, the more likely it is to lead to something scientists call arousal addiction – when sexual excitement is only possible if you feel you are somehow topping what you’ve been exposed to in the past. You can become so hooked on the novelty factor that it’s harder for you to get and maintain an erection when you’re looking at something familiar… like your partner, for example.

2)    A tricky topic.

If your equipment has been faltering lately and there is no other likely cause (illness or new meds, you are unusually stressed, your relationship is going through a rocky phase), porn could be the culprit. You may be suffering from arousal addiction, or an a physical level, frequent masturbation may have trained your penis to respond only to one type of manual stimulation. Guys often touch themselves using more friction and physical pressure than intercourse provides. If a man masturbates too often, normal sex can dampen his libido, make it harder for him to reach orgasm, even fail to satisfy him. Since you might not have realized that there’s a link between your eye-candy habit and your performance in the bedroom, this may come as an enlightenment. Indeed, porn may actually make you less horny. It’s really surprising how it can mess up with your mind.

3)    Revving up your reality.

Once you know about the boner-killing potential of porn, work on a solution together with your partner. Make a plan to amp up your sex lives as a duo. Cut back on the porn a bit, and in the meantime, brainstorm new moves to keep things fresh in your bedroom. Anything that surprises you visually will help – such as lingerie that looks nothing like what your partner usually wears or a sex position that gives you a completely unexpected view. Role-playing is another great way to add sexy novelty as you shake off some of the potential negative effects of porn, which could happen immediately or take as long as two weeks if you need to readapt to the friction and sensations of real sex. Getting back to a place where you are both completely stimulated and satisfied will take some work, but it will definitely be worth it.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. PornHub, the most popular adult-video site has an estimated number of 15 million monthly visitors. A bit high, don’t you think?

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“Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.” – Jimmy Dean

Getting her turned on can be a lot trickier than flicking a mental switch. My tips will help you put her in a randy mood. One of the best finales to a woman’s day is a sack session. But even if she’s craving nooky, it can be hard to transition from work more to sex mode. Men have a biological ability to zero in on a task and block out all else, whereas women often find it difficult to disengage from job responsibilities and get aroused. That’s why you may be ready for action way before she’s reached a boiling point. Try these moves (one or all!) to help her reach a sexy frame of mind by the time she gets together with you.

Step 1. Build up some x-rated anticipation.

Set the stage for lust as soon as her workday ends by calling her to tell her you can’t wait to see her. This reorients her mind towards you. Plus, knowing that you’re looking forward to your evening together will amp up her excitement too.

Step 2. Just relax.

A key element of turning herself on is tuning in to how her body feels. Go for a walk together and notice the way your feet touch the ground at the same time and the sensation of the wind on your skin. Help her take in every sound, sight, and scent. Or simply invite her to stretching her arms and legs when she gets home. Women build up tension during the workday that can impede arousal.

Step 3. Take a steamy shower.

Stepping into a cascade of H2O has a slew of passion payoffs. The heat calms her and soothes her muscles, and feeling clean can boost her sexual confidence because she won’t worry she smells less than fresh. Showering is also a mental cue that signifies she’s washing away stress. Massage in shower gel using a loofah to stimulate her skin. And have her angle her body so the stream of water lands on her below-the-belt bits, allowing her to enjoy the erotic sensation. After toweling off, rub on a lotion scented with vanilla (which many people find sensual) or jasmine (which is thought to trigger the release of endorphins).

Step 4. Set the mood.

To create a romantic ambience in your pad, dim the lights or use candles, and have her recline on a bed, couch or armchair. Her posture has probably been rigid for hours. Now it’s time to completely let go. Have her close her eyes and breathe deeply. This increases blood flow, speeding up arousal. With each inhalation, she’ll imagine sensual vibes entering her body; as she exhales, she’ll envision stress exiting.

Step 5. Savor her.

Acknowledging the sparks between you has a powerful erotic impact. As soon as she walks through the door, check her out from head to toe, and then give her a lingering smooch. Kiss for at least three seconds. It’s just long enough to establish a romantic dynamic and feel very connected. Booty bonus: your saliva contains testosterone, which can transfer to her while making out and jack up her libido.

Step 6. Thrill her taste buds.

Pour her some vino; it relaxes her and feels so elegant to sip from a delicate wineglass. (Heads up: more than one glass can dampen lust.) Also, sample small portions of intensely flavored foods – an exotic cheese, spicy chorizo, a piece of good quality dark chocolate – to fire up desire. Stimulating her taste buds has a domino effect that engages all her other senses. If you’re having dinner, sit side by side instead of facing each other. You’ll subconsciously become extra aware of your chemistry. That may lead to your skipping dessert in favor of heading to the real treat of the night.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Surprising libido lifter: the odor of a chemical in male sweat can amp up arousal. So give her a long hug.

To discover more advanced tips and techniques about increasing female libido CLICK HERE NOW!

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The point is that life for me is not going to be the way it is for everyone else. I have a fog machine and movie lights in my bedroom.” – Marilyn Manson

Are you experiencing some sort of lull in your loving? Maybe your boudoir is in need of a romantic revival! If you’re not currently sitting between your parents on the coach while they are watching some outdated soap opera, I’d like you, if you don’t mind, to picture yourself having sex.

You probably imagine yourself in your own room, in your own bed, going at it like a hobo on a ham sandwich. Because that’s where most of us to wild things in bed. And as most of our mutual horizontal hustling happens in the complete darkness of the boudoir, it’s easy to ignore our surroundings.

But when the location where most of your sexy times happen is also treated like a dressing room/storage area/karaoke rehearsal zone, it’s not as conducive to sex as you might have thought. And a proactive environment is paramount to mounting. As they say: if you build it, she will come. And so will you. So let’s get started.

Set the scene

First up, clear out the crapola. And by ‘crapola’ I’m referring to anything that isn’t furniture or fits inside furniture. Magazines, dirty laundry, that bowl with the mouldy growth that looks like Russell Brand’s head – they all need to be gone like last week’s leftovers. This also means banning the laptop, TV, and anything that has wires of any kind – in fact, think of wires as tiny sex-annihilating snakes.

But what of my nightly Facebook fix?! I hear you say. I’m not saying this is going to be easy – but commit to the cause, homeboy. Your bedroom needs to be a haven for your relationship. Arguments might happen in the kitchen, in the lounge room or in front of a Chinese restaurant at 2am, but your bedroom should be so relaxing you’ll be soothed as soon as you walk in. Soothed and in the mood for things lewd.

Toss the throws

Here’s a mistake young players often make: throw pillows. Go overboard on the cushions and you’ll only have to pause the passion to clear a space for the conclusion. Which, needless to say, might ruin the moment a tad… or a ton, if there happens to be a stuffed toy in amongst them.

Light her fire

Illumination is yet another sexual godsend we often neglect – lights on or lights off is usually the Mr. Miyagi-esque extent of discussion. But darkness is less than ideal, and a fluorescent bulb is so unflattering it would make Rihanna reach for a dressing gown. What you want is softer than marshmallow lighting that makes you feel as though you’re in a Sharon Stone film circa 1992. Think lamps, string lights and, of course, candles, which are the lighting equivalent of oysters.

Linger longer

Here’s some sexy chicanery: if you don’t live with your partner but instead take turns having adult slumber parties at each other’s pads – try spritzing her pillows with your perfume as you leave. Later that night when she settles her head down sans you, she’ll be overcome with lustful thoughts of muzzling your neck. Sweet dreams ensue. Like the Dilmah guy would say: do try it.

Have a hot week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. If you still feel like watching something before going to sleep, invest in a cool projector. She’ll be nicely surprised by your efforts. And it’s more than romantic and sexy.

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“People’s attitudes about sex are not healthy anywhere, except maybe in those tribes where they go around naked.” – Asia Argento

I asked a bunch of women what makes a man a sex god in the sack. Read on to hear the randy requirements that sear you into your partner’s mind forever. Like most men, you no doubt strive to leave your mark on the world… as well as on your woman. What I mean is, you’re not content with giving your partner just any old experience in bed. Instead, you want to top her best-ever list and permanently tattoo yourself into her brain as the dude whose sex techniques brought her unparalleled, knee-buckling bliss. To help you earn unforgettable status, I asked women exactly what bedmate traits leave them awestruck.

Unforgettable trait 1

“He knows how to build anticipation”

“Before leaving for work, my guy will come up behind me while I’m brushing my teeth and slid a hand to reach to my panties. Then he kisses me goodbye and flies out the door. For the next hours, all I can think of is how we’re going to continue the action that night.” Few women have the self-control to create this kind of erotic anticipation on their own – when they get excited, they want to get busy right there, right then. That’s why most really dig it when a man teases and tantalizes them. Show her how much more passionate a drawn-out lust session can be and she’ll credit you forever with deepening her sex life. And then there’s the payoff when she finally does boil over: a superintense orgasm. “I dated this guy who tormented me one night with stop-and-start sex – I’d be ready to climax, but he’d grab my butt cheeks and tell me to hold still, keeping me right on the edge. Then we’d resume, and a minute later, he’d hold me still again. It was sweet torture, but in the end I had the most powerful orgasm of my life.”

Unforgettable trait 2

“He makes sex fun”

Sack sessions can be soulful, intense, and deep. But c’mon, not every moment has to be the sexual equivalent of a John Mayer song. In fact, girls wish that more guys would acknowledge the lighter side of nookie. “Sometimes funny things happen – like one of you emits a noise or tumbles off the bed. If I’m with a guy who can’t let these gaffes roll off her back, it’s lame.” Making sex fun isn’t just about acknowledging blunders but creating a sense of silliness. Women love being playful, so getting goofy between the sheets will leave her feeling at ease with you. “Jack would tease me by pinning me down on the bed, pretending to wrestle with me, and I wrestle back with him. It’s immature, but I like kidding around like that. Also, instead of going all serious on me, he does this cool thing after I give him oral where he’ll look into my eyes and break out in a cross-eyed grin, which makes me laugh. Most guys would be too insecure if a woman laughed after such an intimate moment, but it’s just a reflection of how much fun we have pleasing each other.”

Unforgettable traits 3

“He’s really, really enthusiastic”

Quick – when was the last time you jumped your girl? You may be wondering, who the hell keeps count? But she may. Women are thrilled when a man initiates sex out of the blue, taking them by surprise, because it shows how excited you are to be with her, and enthusiasm is a huge ego booster. Plus, it gets boring always doing it planned – all the more reason to throw her onto the bed and have your way with her or whisper one morning before work that you need satisfaction ASAP. You can also convey your exuberance by responding to every touch and kiss you two share. “My boyfriend is generally low key, but in bed, he gets very primal. As things heat up, he throws his head back and digs his nails into my skin. When he unleashes his wild side, I feel like a real woman.” Another option: show off your erotic enthusiasm outside the bedroom. “When we’re out together at a restaurant or with friends, my boyfriend will put his hand in my back pocket and grab my butt, or he’ll have me sit in his lap, shifting me against himself. It’s like he can’t wait to get me alone, which makes me want to be alone with him even more.”

Have a sensual week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Also, keep in mind that a man who says what he desires helps a woman become a better lover, which is that she wants.

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“I’m a sexually liberated woman that earned that liberation. I am very proud of the fact that I feel comfortable discussing sex.” – Gennifer Flowers

Any sex session or fantasy you might have in mind can unravel in one of two ways: either by playing it out nicely and with lots of romanticism involved, or by going all the way and letting the naughty side shine. I’ve created scenarios that fit both options, so that you can have your pick according to both you and your partner’s moods.

A steamy shower session

Nice. You know that fruity body wash she loves the smell of? Lather it between your palms and give her a playful rub-down, using the suds as a lube to massage her private parts as well. She’ll get pleasure from your touch and the scent.

Naughty. Use the shower stream or detachable head to give her an insider’s peak at the fact that you know how she likes to pleasure herself. Send her over the edge with your enthusiasm and a soft whisper about how you hope she thinks of you when she’s doing it without company.

An oral experience

Nice. Kiss her from her jaw to her happy trails, then use the tip of your tongue to make your way to her labia. By the time you actually get the chance to have a taste of her sweetness, she’ll be practically convulsing with the anticipation.

Naughty. Give her a bad boy oral sex experience. Grab her favorite lip balm, the one that contains cooling menthol. It will react with her hot skin to leave a little tingle wherever your lips touch her body. Those shivers will travel all the way down her legs and up her spine.

Unwrapping some presents

Nice. Dress up in her favorites from your wardrobe (you know that fitted shirt she loves and those special jeans, that make your behind to die for?), and let her peel the pieces off you one by one. Make sure underneath it all is a new-to-her knickers surprise.

Naughty. Make her a prisoner of your love (and steaming passion!). Show her the hot peekaboo bra and sexy undies that you bought for her, then tell her to turn away from you. Tie up her wrists and cover her eyes with your tie, then undress her and dress her up with your sexy presents. Then take her blindfold off and invite her to have her minxy way with you.

Sharing sexy snacks

Nice. Tie a scarf over her eyes, and as you kiss slowly feed her sweet treats from your mouth, letting her guess what she is tasting. Turn the hotness up a notch by using her breasts and body as your very own special serving platter.

Naughty. Celebrate, and titillate, with bubbly. Take a sip from a cold glass of champers, then roll your tongue and lips over her nipples. The icy-coldness restricts her capillaries and will lead to sinful sensations.

Just a kiss

Nice. Set up a movie night on the couch and tell her she’s only getting to first base. It’s an innocent come-on that will make you both want more. Letting her try to “convince” you to go further is half the excitement.

Naughty. While kissing, lure her tongue into your mouth. When she goes to pull it back, wrap your lips around the tip, sucking like during oral. This R-rated preview will have her aching for the full presentation.

All she wants is… a sexy treat from you!

These girls reveal their secret in-the-sack wish lists. (Good news: the stuff they want is pretty doable… well, mostly.)

“A little role-play would be nice. If cookies are involved, bonus points.” – Tanya

“A nice massage. Life is so stressful nowadays that a good rub-down would be a legit wish.” – Alex

“Bringing toys into the bedroom. It’s something I’m usually nervous about bringing up, but if he’s the one taking the lead…” – Brenda

“An unexpected oral sex session when I’m chilling on the couch would be cool – better if there’s no pressure to reciprocate. If it’s a gift, it can be all about me.” – Devon

“If I could have any kind of special sex session, it would be anal. I could make up something else, but I’d be lying.” – Dana

“Let me do everything – from foreplay to main-play – just for one day. I love to feel like I’m completely in charge and thus I don’t feel guilty about my tendency to boss you around.”

“For once, you be in charge for lighting the candles and setting up a romantic atmosphere. I hate feeling that you don’t really appreciate this stuff that I’m almost “forcing” on you.” – Lia

Have a nice and naughty week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Now that you know what you can do based on the mood that you’re having, why not have a taste of the both worlds? I’m sure playing it nice will eventually lead to dying for a taste of the naughty side.

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“There are two things in life that as soon as you finish you can’t wait to do it again. Sleeping and sex.”

Right about now is where I should caveat that I’ve never heard a man admit to having this problem. It has happened to almost every male adult out there at least once, no matter how rich and varied their sex life has been. Most guys won’t admit to erectile dysfunction because, well, you just don’t like talking about it. Ever. Hence why there are no statistics on how many guys are affected – though we do know that anywhere from 15 to 50 per cent of men between the ages of 40 and 70 have problems with ED, while one in 10 can’t get an erection at all.

Men like to think of themselves as sex gods with members as hard, reliable and mighty as Thor’s hammer. But it’s an unpredictable hammer, and doesn’t always perform as it should. Sometimes it’s for reasons a doctor can explain and sometimes not – but most times it’s for reasons never revealed to women. Which is where and I and my specially selected Brains Trust come in: a group of men and women who have hard-won experience in the field of penile drop.

1. You’re intimidated.

Yes, by women. Us and our darn awesomeness. Admit it, there have been times you’ve bedded a woman and had to pinch yourself  that she let you through her front door, let alone into her bedroom. And with that awareness of not being worthy, or feeling you need to perform a little more than usual, comes pressure. Says one male friend: “I’ve never had any problem getting it up when I’m in a relationship. The only times I’ve had trouble are if I’m intimidated or nervous about a girl and there’s no history.”

2. You’re superstitious.

Sometimes there’s no rational explanation: it can only be put down to black magic. “One time a guy told me I’d put a curse on his penis. He left muttering, ‘What have you done to me?’”, says a friend of mine.

3. You’re processing your feelings.

It’s said men think with their dicks. No arguments there. But you also feel with them. Remember that scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, where Peter (Jason Segel) admonishes Sarah (Kristen Bell) after his Johnson fails to come to the party? “Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and my cock doesn’t want to be around you anymore”, says Peter. Yes, a woman’s kindness helps facilitate an erection. Says one friend: “I couldn’t get it up once with an ex. She was being a total bitch, and yet still wanted sex. She screamed at me because I wasn’t getting hard, and then accused me of having someone else. Game over.”

4. You’re just not that into us.

If that’s the case, no amount of volcanic foreplay or expensive lingerie will make you want to go through with sex, and you will do and say anything to get out of it. We might hear stuff like, “It only happens with someone who I really love”, or “It’s my commitment phobia kicking in to protect you.” Or you might come up with some unexpected accident, as did one of my partner’s mates: “I once pretended I’d painfully scratched my foreskin while attempting to put on a condom”, he confesses.

5. You can’t handle your liquor.

Identified in the classics as “brewer’s droop”. If you’ve been drinking heavily, there’s a good chance you might have issues when it’s time for lovin’. But you probably knew this already.

6. You’re in a relationship with your hand.

I have a male friend who’s addicted to porn and happily confesses to masturbating several times a day. Online porn is probably the greatest hidden contributor to bedroom ED, because of overuse. Some guys do manage to combine daily blocks of flogging with a healthy sex life involving a real partner. Others fall victim to it.

7. You feel guilty.

Something is troubling you. You feel guilty about something. “I had an affair with a man and he had trouble getting it up”, says one girl. “It happened a lot, but as soon as he left his wife, it was only after talking to his kids on the phone – guilt!”

8. You need special handling.

A hot male friend offered this chestnut: “I think it may have to do with psychological problems, because I’m healthy, fit, and I’ve been sexually active since I was 15 – but it still plagues me from time to time, mostly when I’m not yet comfortable with the girl. With one girlfriend it took weeks. But once we got settled, it was never a problem again. It’s to the eternal credit of these women that it’s never been an issue. In fact, it’s usually made the eventual sex a lot better in the end. That’s why I say women are generally better people than men.” And ain’t that the truth.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Of course, it can also mean you are suffering from an underlying medical condition. In case you don’t see yourself in any of the cases mentioned, have yourself checked by a doctor.

For more advice on how to maximize your size and have the deepest, best sex of your life, go here and check out our latest program on the matter.

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“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.” – Woody Allen

Thought you’d tried everything? I’ve uncovered eight positions that are best for female orgasm. Warning: these moves are seriously hot.

Reverse cowgirl side-saddle

Lie on your back with your knees bent and your legs apart. Have her get on top with her back towards you – but rather than straddling you, she should keep one leg between yours, with one hand on your chest and the other on your shin. She can then rock back and forth or up and down at whatever speed she likes.

Why it’s good: This one might take a bit of practice to get right, but persevere because it’s great for deep penetration.

The vixen

While she sits on a sturdy table, you stand facing her with your arms around her lower back. She should brace her hands against the tabletop to support herself as you slowly raise her right leg and prop it on your left shoulder. Then you can either hold her close against you, or she can lean back. For a slightly less acrobatic version, she can tilt her pelvis up and wrap her legs around your waist.

Why it’s good: It’s perfect for G-Spot stimulation!

Front-row seat

While she lies on her back and raises her legs up and over her head as far as they will comfortably go, you should squat on top of her (once she’s suitably stable), slide in, and then lean forward and thrust inside her. As she gets close to climaxing, you can lean forward to rest your weight on your hands on either side of her head, to deepen penetration. It’s naughty, but oh-so-very nice!

Why it’s good: This makes the most of every inch of your penis, and it gives easy access for your partner to caress your perineum.

The missionary mix-up

She does all the work here – but she gets plenty of rewards! While you lie back on the floor, leaning against a sofa or bed for support, she straddles you with one leg between your legs and the other to one side. She should rest her hands on the floor to help her to control her bouncing. You can assist by putting your hands on her hips to help her move up and down if she starts to feel tired.

Why it’s good: She’s in control and can set the pace of thrusting, as well as grind against your thigh. You also get easy access to caress her breasts and bum in between thrusts.

The jellyfish

Kneel down while she crouches over your lap facing you. With your arms around each other for support, work up a rocking motion, moving apart and together in unison.

Why it’s good: The angle is just right for deep or shallow penetration. And her breasts will also move against your chest, giving both of you extra stimulation.

The skier

You lie on a bed with your bum at the edge of the mattress and legs in the air. She should start by lying on top of you with her back against your chest, her pelvis above yours. Then she should slide on top of you. She should gradually sit up and lean forward, taking it slow to make sure she doesn’t bend you in the wrong way. Once she’s sitting up, she should slowly lower her legs to the floor then rock back and forth as desired. You need to keep your legs raised the whole time, allowing easy access for her to reach between her legs to stroke your penis and balls. If this proves too tough on your thighs then you can rest your legs against her back.

Why it’s good: It’s great for targeting her G-Spot because she can angle you wherever she wants. And she can limit penetration levels too.

Crossed wires

It might sound tricky, but this one is surprisingly easy. She should lie on her back while you lie across her to make a cross. You then put one leg between her legs and the other one on top, and slide inside. She should flex and release her pelvic-floor muscles to heighten sensation for both of you. Because of the unusual angle, it’s worth using lube to ensure the friction works the right way.

Why it’s good: This position exposes the sensitive clitoral hood, enabling either of you to stimulate it easily.

The bookshelf

Have her stand in front of a wall and place her hands against it. Stand behind and slide into her as she raises one leg up until her thigh is resting against her torso. From here she can deepen penetration by pushing against the wall to squeeze herself back against you.

Why it’s good: Her muscles will tighten as she raises her leg into position, meaning increased friction for both of you.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. If both you and your partner are athletically inclined, you’ll find these positions easy and very satisfying.

If you want to know more about what’s going on in her body… and the part you should play, click this link and start learning!

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“There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.”

We’ve all heard rumors about tantric sex. The 40 hour lovemaking sessions, the mind-altering massages and the explosive orgasm meditation techniques but can us normal (but still naughty) people really get anything from tantric sex? Well if you’re daydreaming of better, longer, more intimate, more satisfying sex, more often – then using a few well-placed tantric sex techniques can get you a hell of a lot.

For all of you who haven’t seen American Pie or read about Sting’s more intimate lifestyle, tantric sex is the ancient erotic art of prolonging sexual ecstasy to reach new levels of sensual satisfaction and intimacy. Just think of it as a marathon of erotic experiences, not an in-and-out sprint. Now here’s the weird part, the focus isn’t even on you orgasming. Tantra shifts the focus to tapping into all of your sexual senses to make it more likely for you to naturally come to an ecstasy induced end – pun intended.

But all that meditating and abstaining for hours on end might seem like a bit too much dedication for most couples so I thought I’d make things a little easier. Here are a few tips to introduce you to a whole world of frisky fun.

1. Eye contact

It might sound pretty obvious but looking at your partner can actually help make your sexual experiences together a lot more intense. One of the quickest ways to deepen intimacy is to look into each other’s eyes. Find a comfortable place to sit and start with your eyes closed so that you can get yourself centered. As each of you feels ready, open your eyes and gaze into each other’s eyes. Allow her to really see you as you in turn witness the whole of her. You might feel a bit stupid at first but stick with it. This simple technique will have a big pay off and you can incorporate it whenever it feels most natural to you. It will help you to fall in love over and over again, and make sex a much hotter, richer experience.

2. Conscious touch

The whole point of Tantra is to explore you and your partner’s sensuality with teasing and tension – what’s more sensual than touching each other? The thing that Tantra focuses on is making each touch count. If you’re busy thinking about work or what you’re going to eat later, then your touch will feel vacant and that doesn’t feel good to anyone.  The trick is to forget everything and really focus on what it is you want from being with your partner. Be aware of where you’re touching her and more importantly what your intention is.

3. Explore your senses

Tantra isn’t just used to improve the physicality of sex, it’s about the emotional and sensory experiences too – this means taste, touch, sight, smell and sound. It has long been known that when we lose one of our senses, the others are heightened, so by taking advantage of this idea you and your partner can experience sex on a whole other level. Create a relaxing, intimate and sensual experience by blindfolding her and offering her a variety of things to stimulate her senses. Try essential oils, cinnamon or vanilla for smell. Play bits of music she loves or read her a love poem for sound. For taste you could feed her juicy berries, bits of chocolate or let her lick honey off your finger. For touch, try caressing her body with bits of silk, feathers or a rose petal. Then remove her blindfold and let her see you looking at her with love and desire! It might sound like a lengthy process but the result will be well worth waiting for.

4. Full body orgasm

One way to start learning to have full body orgasms is to practice building up erotic energy near to orgasm, and then letting it fade a bit. Build it up again and use your breath and the power of intention to spread the energy through your body. Play with this for as long as you like. This means taking your partner to the point of orgasm orally or otherwise but never letting them go completely over the edge. When you finally orgasm, you should feel ripples of it in different parts of your body.

5. Enjoy the journey

Tantra is not just about orgasms, in fact the whole process requires you to delay if not completely abandon your orgasm to achieve a higher level of sexual awareness first. The fun can be sucked out of getting frisky by putting too much pressure on an end result and not focusing enough on enjoying getting there. Tantra can put the fun right back in there. If you are continually only chasing after an orgasm chances are that you and your partner are bored and stuck doing the same old thing that you know works. Quit chasing the orgasm and see what else you enjoy about sex. Remind yourself about why you enjoy sex and what you’re hoping to get out of it.

Have a sexy week,

Fidan Paula

P.S. Focus on and expand other areas that you and your partner love, explore them and the rest will come naturally.

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Tantra sex is the weaving of sexual energy between two lovers for the purpose of creating greater intimacy, ecstasy as well as erotic and spiritual enlightenment.  Rather than racing for the finish line or orgasm, Tantra sex is a slow sensual journey of connection between lovers, where becoming orgasmic, rather than reaching climax is the aim.

Sensual Space

Tantra is all about the senses, so create a soothing sensual space that will heighten all of your senses together.  This could be your bedroom or another space that you prepare beforehand.  Remove clutter and distractions, light candles and dim lights, play soft sensual music, light incense, add lots of pillows and even hang sensual fabrics to make your love nest a sexy oasis.  You can also prepare a sensual snack of aphrodisiac foods to feed each other before your sexy ritual to follow.

Prepare Yourselves

You’ll want to be relaxed and feeling sensual before you begin.  So take a sexy shower or hot bath together and cleanse all your daily distractions and worries away.  Afterwards, you should dress lightly (and provocatively too!) in any light sensual clothing.  Silk robes or a kimono are ideal as they are easy to remove.

Next you may like to give each other a sensual massage using scented massage oil.  Many massage oils now come in candle form and are made of soy which you can heat up and are the ultimate in sensuality.

The Sensual Ritual

You will begin in the sexual position called the Yab Yum with the man sitting in lotus position (cross-legged) on the floor or a cushion and the woman sitting on his lap with legs wrapped around behind his back in an embrace.  Make sure this position is very comfortable, as you will sit in this position for extended foreplay.  Yab Yum is a great position for less vigorous lovemaking as well as clitoral and G-spot stimulation.

Eye Gazing

Next, you practice a technique called “eye gazing”, gazing silently into each other’s eyes, then beyond the eyes into each other’s soul.  Although it may seem awkward and vulnerable to begin with, sustained eye gazing creates deeper intimacy, connection and serene harmony.

Orgasmic Breathing

Next, bring your attention to your breath and take long, slow breaths deep into the belly and gradually exhale.  Try to synchronize your breath to match your partners breathing alternately: as one exhales, the other inhales and so on; to create circular breathing which weaves the sexual energy back and forth between you both.  Orgasmic breathing helps move sexual energy through the body and can lead to euphoria and intense orgasms.  Continue eye gazing as you practice orgasmic breathing for at least 10 minutes.

Erotic Touch

Begin to touch each other and become aware of how every part of your body feels.  Rather than going straight for the erogenous zones, try other areas like the back of the neck, sides of the torso, and inside of the thighs.  Use soft caresses, kisses, fingernails, soft whispers and breathe and appreciate the beauty and sensuality of each other’s body.  Eventually, your caresses can wander to more erogenous parts of the body as well.

Rocking Your Pelvis

Start by both rocking your pelvises and squeezing your PC muscle in a rhythmic manner.  This charges the erotic energy at your root chakra (genitals) and makes it more intense.  Now, begin to vocalize and moan, as this helps cycle the erotic energy up through the body to the throat chakra.

Slow Sex and Prolonged Arousal

When you are both ready, the man will ask if he can enter his lover and she will accept.  Again, keep this slow and remember to breathe.  He will enter for a few strokes, then pull out and linger near her opening.  Continue to rock your hips, squeeze your PC muscle and moan as you as you slowly make love.

Remember, the goal here is not orgasm, but prolonged arousal and to maintain a state of sexual ecstasy for as long as you can.  Going slow both builds her anticipation and thus her arousal, while for him, it prolongs ejaculation and gives him stamina to hold back.

The man continues to enter for a few strokes and then withdraws, building up intensity for as long and both partners can last.  He can also tease and stroke her, rubbing the head of his penis up and down her vulva including stimulating her clitoris, while varying his pattern, so she doesn’t know what to expect.

Continue this process, slowly, building intimacy, pleasure and prolonged arousal for as long as possible.  This eventually allows both the man and his lover to last the same amount of time before orgasm, and for both to achieve extended and more powerful orgasms simultaneously.

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